I Cut Out Food from My Diet, and I’ve Never Felt Better
Hot Foods in the Wintertime or Cold Foods in the Summertime: This one’s a real bummer.
Tag: Food
I Am the Last Drop of Yogurt, Begging to Be Thrown Away
I don’t want you to fight for me. Believe me, a disproportionate amount of effort will be needed to capture me. I need you to know that I am not worth it.
I Am the Stain That’s Already Ruined Your Favorite Sweater
The whole restaurant glares as you fling your body away from the table like you’re protecting the commander-in-chief.
Why Is No One Eating My Awful Potluck Dish?
What should I do? If that dish is untouched at the end of the night they'll link it back to me and never invite me to a potluck again.
Before I Move, I Will Finish All of the Condiments in My Fridge
If I can find the scissors and cut open all seventy-three of these packets, I might almost have enough stale soy sauce for one stir fry serving.
A Menu of Our Fine, Illegal French Cheeses and Their Legal-to-Buy-and-Own Assault Weapon Pairings
Bleu De Gex: Known for its blue veins, it is aged for three weeks with Penicillium roqueforti, and cannot be legally sold in the continental United States.
I’m the Honey Baked Ham Gift Card You Got for a Corporate Holiday Bonus and I Hate Me Too
It’s been a few weeks now and you won’t stop looking at me in contempt. Every time you open your wallet and see me, you scoff.
Have You Dined with Us Before?
The kitchen’s behind that door. Craig, our cold dishes chef, will sulk if you don’t order any salads.
Hello, My Name Is Count Dracula and I’ll Be Your Server
Hello and velcome to Chili's. I'm so sorry for the vait, ve've been slammed tonight. My eternal thanks for your patience.
Where Your Family Ate Dinner and What It Says About You
Dining Table, Separate Dining Room Disorganized: Okay rich, with divorcing parents.
Stop Calling Me a Nepo Baby, I Worked My Buns Off to Become the Burger Crown Prince!
Sure, the door might have been slightly ajar, but I had to walk through it. And I drank all the milkshakes and yelled, “How do you like me now!”
Seven Signs Your Accountant Might Actually Be Mayor McCheese
His Hat Doesn’t Fit: When meeting with your accountant, you might not think to glance up at his purple top hat.