The history of the present Control by mom and dad is a history of repeated standoffs in the kitchen and plates that have too many colors.
Oh McNo. I’m not McFeeling so McWell. My McVision is all McBlurred and I have a McPain in my McAbdomen.
No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
Pomegranates? The fruit of the elite. They hold onto their seeds like "La La Land" tried to hold onto the Oscar in 2017.
It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.
Contains only four questions of actual importance.
The journey of a thousand ham slices begins with a single cut of the deli slicer.
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
I Am the Wooden Board at That Gourmet Burger Restaurant, Here to Remind You That You Only Make $10 an Hour
You only made $200 this week, yet you STILL let your friends drag you here?
During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.