We Regret to Inform You That the Position You Interviewed for Has Been Filled by My Nephew
We were looking for someone who is my sister’s son, invites me to tap recitals, and doesn’t correct me at the Thanksgiving table when I say something racist.
Tag: Family
Shopping for Father’s Day When You’re His Secret Family
What do you get a man who already has everything, including three other children who live in a nice neighborhood and are allowed to use his last name?
Your Dad Designs a Clinical Trial to Test the Claim “A Little Dirt Never Hurt Anyone”
Based on my literature review of opening my eyes in public, everyone is afraid to get some mud under their fingernails and quality of life is one foot in the junkyard.
Agenda for a Double-Booked Funeral and Ghost Tour
Funeral guests will be in mourning garb, as will most of the paranormal experience attendees, so you will need to confirm the purpose of the visit.
Prediction Market Bets for My Upcoming Family Reunion
How young will Uncle Jeff’s uninvited date be?
Help! I Mrs. Doubtfire’d So Hard That I’m the Most Sought-After Nanny in the Tri-State Area
What else was I supposed to do, take practical steps to be a better father and husband? Who has the time for that?
Forgot to Book Your Beach Vacation? Here’s Your Best Second Choice!
Depending on who you ask, this flashing neon sign either depicts two pelicans frolicking or fornicating. The choice is yours!
The One Thing They Never Tell You About Having a Kid: The Sinkholes
I wanted to feel ready when our son arrived, but nothing prepares you for the real thing, or the sinkholes.
Anxiety Dreams Experienced by People with Healthy Childhoods
The high school cafeteria comes into surreal focus.... Excellent! Loved high school!
Texting Your Dad Simulator
Opening move: Roll the die. >If the number is even, share an important life update. >If it’s odd, just ask, “Hi. How are you?”
NFL-Inspired Power Rankings for Everyone at My Family’s Thanksgiving
After four down and out years, hardcore MAGA uncle Rick has regained his mojo with Trump back in office.
My Brother-in-Law’s Proctologist’s Sister’s Second Husband’s Stepdaughter’s Cousin Has Five D1 Offers for Volleyball!
My kids? They’re doing all right. My boy’s a pediatric surgeon. My daughter does something with Alzheimer’s, I'm not sure.