Terms and Conditions Agreement Between a Local and a Fucking Summer Person
The Summer Person is permitted to remark out loud a phrase along the lines of “This town is so quaint” a total of (1) time.
Tag: Beaches
Human Sunbathing Explained to the Aliens
No, the sun does not have any terrestrial healing powers, but it can fry your skin and inflict life-threatening disease.
9 Amazing Vacation Destinations to Check Your Work Email
Pro tip: bring a parasol to reduce the glare on your laptop screen when you’re checking Outlook for five minutes, just one more email, OK babe?
Keith Jeep at the Beach, Jean Collins Live On-Air, and Dating Advice
Keith Jeep escapes the forest for the beach, the tables turn as Jean Collins is interviewed live on air, plus tried and true dating advice.
How to Tour LA like a Person Who Lives in LA
Eastsiders recommend the taco place with a questionable sanitation rating but amazing salsas. Westsiders recommend, “I guess, Sugarfish again?”
The 12 Months of Midwestern Winter
May: The Memento effect begins to set in as the temperature starts to go up. You start to hear people say things like "Winter wasn’t even that bad."
Relaxing Foreign Getaways That No Longer Accept Your U.S. Passport
Too bad you aren’t welcome there! Argentina’s government, unlike the U.S., actually listens to scientists, so it closed its borders.
Places You’ll Be While You’re Thinking About The New York Times’ “52 Places to Go in 2020” List
While Thinking About: The tropical rainforest of Rhukanrhuka, Bolivia. You'll Be: Swearing at the deli rat that scampered off with your last Funyun.
I Am the Old Man on the Stationary Bike at the Gym, and I Am Here to Fucking Crush It
I am simply part of the gym’s existence, like the water fountain and the ambient hip-hop music piped in through invisible speakers.
Who Do You Like More, the Country or the Hispanics?
ROUND 1 The Country: Gave us Major League Baseball The Hispanics: Gave us Big Papi Winner: The Hispanics
Please Insert Your Chip Into the Card Reader
Please insert your chip into the card reader. Please please insert your card. Please please please. Please society. Please the machine. Chip card.
The Kayak Pirate Known As Captain Manscaped Beard
Once the kayak is stolen, the Captain sells the 'yak to fund his groovy seaside summer adventures and to replenish his supply of slushy drinks.