A Pitch for My TV Show “Finding Bigfoot and Also My Biological Parents If We Have Time”
The show aims to capture clear and undoctored footage of Bigfoot. Also, if we run into my biological parents along the way, that'd be pretty neat, too.
Tag: Animals
I Won’t Eat Caribou Unless It’s Slaughtered By at Least a Somewhat Automatic Weapon
Have you ever tried venison that was tactfully killed using a manual-load weapon and just a few bullets to the torso? It's fucking disgusting.
4 Ways for Audiophiles to Drown Out the Sounds of a Dying Cat
Four ways to trade those painful, meowy gasps for quality, pounding synths, whether you're a hip-hop head, a folk fanatic, or a sensitive Nancy.
All the Reasons Why My Screenplay, “Detective Tarantula: Web of Conspiracy,” Is Not Terrible
When I asked you to read this screenplay, I was looking for you to recognize it for what it is: a bold, dark, and emotionally compelling narrative.
Mistakes I Made Babysitting My Girlfriend’s Guinea Pigs
It should have been easy—they're basically small, furry cows devoid of complex needs or even souls. What I could not foresee was rebellion.
My Son Wanted a Dog, So We Adopted Black Shuck, The Canine Harbinger of Death
Lucky, the dog I had growing up, was a living, breathing creature. Black Shuck, on the other hand, is a ghostly apparition fueled by bloodlust.
Five Little-Known Facts About Davy Crockett
Davy Crockett actually wore his raccoon-skin cap as a functional warning to other raccoons not to climb on his head while he was sleeping.
I Want to Settle Down and Get Married But I’m Trapped in the San Diego Zoo’s Rhino Cage, Okay Mom?
I do want to settle down and get married. But I'm also stuck in the San Diego Zoo's rhinoceros cage and it's way harder to meet women in here.
Martha Stewart’s Perfect Mouse Trap Bait Recipe
You want something with a decidedly pleasing aroma and subtle flavors sure to attract the attention of your average mouse.
How I Finally Pooped on the Bird That Pooped on Me
I'm a man who took more than half a month tracking down a bird with nothing but the shirt on his back and an $800 bird costume. A proud man.
What to Do in the Event of a Shark Attack
Mirror the shark's movements so it thinks it's looking into a mirror, and then the second it gets suspicious, bonk it on the head and swim away.
9 Christmas Movies for the Whole Family (Updated to Reflect the Latest Hollywood Scandals)
Check out these classic movies to watch with your family this Christmas! (Unfortunately, recent Hollywood scandals have forced us to update this list.)