Welcome to Friendly Skies; Get Ready to Be Punched in the Face
Whatever your personal weird fucking deal is, it won’t end well for you, so best not try to start it with us.
Tag: Anger
For a Nominal Fee, I’ll Scream at the School Board on Your Behalf
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
Trees Clap Back at Accusation of “Less Vibrant” Fall Foliage
The heat and the rain resulted in this season’s leaf color being a shade more subdued than in past years. But God, you’d think we killed Santa Claus.
Memory Like a Goldfish? I’ve Got a Memory as Long as the Time You’re Going to Spend in Hell for Trapping Me in This Bowl
Are you familiar with the phrase, “Living your best life?” Do you think that’s what is going on in here?
6 Essential Workouts for Road Ragers
Clip a small dumbbell to each middle finger and do three sets of 50 reps while reaching up and out with your arms.
Psych 3000: The Psychology of Nihilistic Anger
In Unit 2, we will delve into how I’m sick of your stupid shit too, and pretty please fuck off (and thank you).
I’m Beginning to Suspect My Cult Leader Isn’t Committed to Transcending Existence Tomorrow
Leader Ron also just told us he has binged through seasons 1 and 2 of The Office last night, and can’t wait to find out how Jim and Pam's arc ends.
How to Protect Your Stadiums from the Swarm of Sports Fans Emerging after 16 Months
Badly behaving sports fans (A.K.A. “Brood W”) have exploded in population due to their inability to behave in public after their long hibernation.
The 5 Best Chobani Yogurt Flavors That Helped Me Beat Up My Step-Dad
I thought the mixed berry would pair well with the mix of emotions I had been feeling since my mom married her long-time boyfriend, Alfonso Matrioni.
Living My Best Life on My Terms, Per Your Restraining Order
I respect the State of California’s 100-yard rule, and I value precision, which is why I bought one hundred yardsticks at Home Depot.
I’m Not a Monster, I’m a Method Actor
It was not I who called her “a useless swath of dogshit,” it was, in fact, Chicago crime lord Tony Ligitano.
Five Stages of Grief for Struggling Writers
You know what I think? They didn't get it... Yes, they just didn't get it. They let a masterpiece slip away, right under their nose.