• If the football coach’s team wins the game they dump Gatorade on him.
  • If the football coach wins the game the coach dumps Gatorade on the team.
  • If the Gatorade wins the game the team dumps the football coach on the Gatorade.
  • If the winning coach’s players all died in their effort to win, he dumps the bucket on himself.
  • If the winning coach is allergic to Gatorade he uses an umbrella.
  • If the winning coach is really small he jumps into the Gatorade bucket.
  • If the game ends in a tie the coaches must dump the buckets on each other and kiss.
  • If the winning coach is a fish they dump air on him.
  • If the winning coach is a sponge they wring him out after so he doesn’t smell bad.
  • If the winning coach is a water bucket, they dump Gatorade powder in him and stir.
  • If the winning coach is Gatorade powder, they dump him into a water bucket and stir.
  • If the winning coach is a man-shaped pile of cotton candy he throws the game on purpose so they don't dissolve him upon a Gatorade victory bath.
  • If the winning coach doesn’t like being sticky, he says, “Opt out.”
  • If the winning coach has had a traumatic experience with liquid being poured all over his body they tell him good job.
  • If the winning coach’s team drank all the Gatorade, the players fill the empty bucket with their puke and dump it on him.
  • If the winning coach is a woman they make sure she’s wearing a dark-colored shirt.
  • If the football coach’s team wins the game in zero gravity they push the coach through a floating sphere of Gatorade.
  • If the football coach's team loses the game they dump acid on him.
  • If the team dumps the Gatorade on the wrong guy, the mistaken coach is awarded the position as full-time head coach.
  • If the football coach coaches the game he is given a salary.
  • If the coach’s team loses the game but feels left out of the Gatorade bath, he is welcome to lick the Gatorade off the other coach like a cat.
  • If the football coach’s team is the Detroit Lions they never win in an effort to conserve the only drinkable fluids in Michigan.
  • If the winning coach prefers a certain flavor of Gatorade he can submit a formal request to the Gatorade head office 4-6 weeks before the game takes place.
  • If the winning coach prefers the Gatorade bath flavor “Fierce Grape” he has to pick another one because that flavor has been discontinued.
  • If the winning coach tries to outrun the Gatorade bath he is stalked by both teams and hunted down for as long as it takes until he is soaked head-to-toe in Gatorade.
  • If it’s really hot outside, the winning coaches are to be given a traditional bath with soap and water administered by the team after the Gatorade bath.
  • If the winning coach prefers a Powerade bath, he will be ejected from the game and fired from his position as head coach with no severance pay.

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