Das German Brauhaus

Review by Winst0n Churchi11:

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. I must say your staff have the enthusiasm part down pat.

Rating: Nein stars

The Nazareth Inn

Review by M&J Christ:

I know it was a last-minute booking but our room request of upper floor, desert view was not only ignored, we were given a room not even fit for a horse. The breakfast buffet was lacking. Man shall not live by bread alone—I was hopeful for some waffles at the very least. I may be a virgin, but we are not naive.

Rating: 1 superstar

World's Toughest Brainteasers

Review by René Descartesx=y+z:

I think, therefore I am disappointed. No challenge at all.

Rating: x2stars

The Merchant of Venice

Review by Shakespeare_The_Bard:

Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. I fear thou may falleth into a new fourth category: thou shalt never be great.

Rating: 2 stars or not 2 stars?

Monticello Vineyard

Review by PrezGeorge:

I cannot tell a lie: Jefferson's wine should be tossed in the Chesapeake.

Rating: 1 founding father

The Michigan Electric Bar & Grill

Review by Tommy Edison:

Genius is one per cent inspiration, 99% perspiration. Sadly, it seems your chefs have really taken the latter to heart.

Rating: 1 light bulb

Pope Clements Dating Service

Review by HenryDa8th:

I have used your services with limited success. Two beheadings out of six wives is a poor ratio.

Rating: 2 wives

Uber Driver Adam

Review by INewton:

To every action, there is always opposed an equal reaction. My reaction to your driving is shock, nerves, stress and bewilderment. At times, the car defied the laws of gravity.

Rating: 1 apple

The French Monarchy

Review by BIGNapoleanB:

If you want a thing done well, do it yourself. I think France could be better under New Management. Stay tuned.

Rating: ½ revolution

Our American Cousin, at Ford's Theatre

Review by HonestAbe:

There are no bad pictures; that's just how your face looks sometimes. There are, however, bad plays, and this is one. I doubt I shall last the whole play.

Rating: 0 score and four hours wasted

All-You-Can-Eat Dessert et Creperie

Review by MarieAntoinetteEats:

My children convinced me to try this appalling new concept. It has been a tough time for us all, so I agreed. Let them eat cake for dinner? I'd rather lose my head before indulging in such atrocities.

Rating: ½ head

The Huckleberry Inn

Review by M@rk Twain:

The rumour of my death has been greatly exaggerated, though no doubt spurred on by the knowledge of me having dined in your restaurant.

Rating: 1 ½ Mississippi's