Note: At the time of publication, the full Mueller report has not leaked yet, and this piece contains no spoilers for Us.

1. “He’s done such incredible work the past two years, and really established himself as a master of horror. Sure, there’s a lot of hype around this, but I trust that he created something that beats that hype, and scares the ever living shit out of us.”

2. “People are going to act like they’re too cool to be surprised or scared by this. They’ll be like, ‘Wow, that’s nothing compared to what Roman Polanski did in the 70s,’ or, ‘Oh, this isn’t as frightening as some of the horror that came out in the 80s.’ Those people are dumb. This guy’s work is going into completely uncharted territory! Also, fuck Roman Polanski.”

3. “Dreading when my parents finally see it and call me up, asking me to explain all the parts they didn’t quite understand.”

4. “Weird to think that my grandparents will only see the parts of this that they show on Fox & Friends, even though it's happening in their lifetime and will be regarded as a massive cultural touchstone.”

5. “Ten bucks says he’s online right now, poring over the comments section of some wannabe columnist who’s analyzing it even though they just got access to the highlight reel.”

6. “I want this to scare the shit out of me. Literally. I want to be so scared that I poop my pants. People call me crazy, but I’m desperate for some sort of release from all this buildup. No, I’m not seeing a therapist.”

7. “Everybody on Twitter is talking like they’ve seen the damn thing. Nobody’s seen it. I know, because everybody talking about it on Twitter is too poor to have gained access to it already.”

8. “I can’t remember the last time I was this excited for anything to be released. When it finally came out, I dressed up as my best Bloodthirsty-Destroyer-Of-The-Middle-Class cosplay (I’ve heard that’s mostly what it’s about?) and ran to the movie theater. It was silly, I know, since they’re not showing this to just anybody off the street, and it’s not like that ticket booth kid has access to this, anyway. But, still. It felt good to hope again. It felt good to act like a kid again. Also, I’m really hoping he managed to get some good piss play footage in this one.”

9. “White people are going to freak out over this, and act like it’s unlike anything the world has ever seen, but black people are going to be like, ‘Um, yeah. This tracks.’”

10. “Who’s gonna explain it to Eric Trump? There’s no way he’ll get it.”

11. “This already feels like the 2016 election—so much anticipation and hype, all for nothing. I’m moving to Europe.”

12. “I don’t think he can top what’s already come out.”

13. “I wonder what he’s working on now.”

14. “No matter what the haters say, this guy's an American hero.”

15. “I won’t be able to see it sober, that’s for sure.”


The Mueller report: 12

Jordan Peele’s Us: 13

Both: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15