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An app so royal it makes you feel like you're wearing nothing but a gold crown and a robe while hate fucking William the Conqueror in Piccadilly Circus and drinking a cup of Earl Grey.
I've been out of the bear suit for too long. I owe it to the world to make 'Wicker Man 2.' The wait is almost over. Get ready, people: the bear is back.
From the time you enter the terminal to the moment you plop down in the plane itself, you go from feeling confused, to sexually violated, to utterly exhausted.
Having a normal profile in this day and age just isn't enough; if you want to stand out you'll have to pepper it with some simulated sophistication wherever you can.
The arch nemesis of this war chronicle is the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug, something that looks like it crawled/flew right out of the Jurassic Period.
Dear Sir, I've been a tenant in the dumpster of your motel for two months now, and I can't take the constant brutal ghost rape anymore. I'm suing you for $100 million and a handjob.
Korean children like to play a little game called 'Ddongchim.' Trust me guys, it's not something you want to end the night on, especially as the center of attention at a talent show.
What if I could somehow incorporate a man's apathy towards the opinion of others with a woman's manipulation techniques?
Since we're all in this together, I think it's important to look at some of the key issues that are making our time together less enjoyable and work together to fix them.
Thanks Boomers, for making me the man I am today. Really and truly: I could not have done it without you. As much as you might have hated me along the way.
As I sit Indian style on my bedroom floor, I fidget with the plastic dome covering the store-bought red velvet cake in my lap. It's a strangely familiar delicate process.
I made up my mind long ago that a) I have no desire to get married and b) I don't want children. It's one thing for a man to say this; it's entirely another thing for a woman to say this.