Ever wondered whether it's ok to put your penis in the freezer, in the couch, or in your neighbor's manger scene? Miraculously, all those answers are right here.
What if I told you that the "natural ingredients" you're eating on the regular include beaver butt glands, sand, human hair, and mashed up beetles? You'd throw up.
Because being your roommate means never having to apologize for the stupid and immature shit I do to you, I've compiled this list of things I'm not sorry about.
Five things I’m looking forward to in 2014, aka “The International Year of Family Farming, Crystallography and Small Island Developing States.”
Finally, a way to enjoy the taste of your favorite brews without breaking the bank. Strap in because we're about to take a brewery tour...of your goddamn kitchen.
Thomas Edison exuded hatred, greed, and asshattery like a dead, bloated walrus exudes postmortem gas buildups. That is to say, constantly, putridly, and smellingly.
When you're meeting new people, it's important to get to know them the old-fashioned way: through conversation. DO NOT snoop into their criminal records.
JUNK: We’re downloading and watching porn. For as long as possible. Hours and hours of it. BRAIN: Don’t you think that’s just a tad bit wrong?
Obamacare: the most frightening thing to emerge from the womb of the Communist Obama jihad squad. Here are three real-life examples of the healthcare failure.
First off, take your chicken breasts, giggle appreciatively at their name for a moment, then cut them in half the thin way. Oh this is going to be GOOOOD.
"I know it is Christmas Eve, but you would be going to kindergarten dressed as Santa Claus," my boss Sunny said. I accepted in an instant, and never regretted it.
What we've got here is Madonna, singing in a little girl voice to what could only be construed as her dad, dressed up as Santa. Or in other words, "GROSS, DUDE."