If you really have your heart set on stiffing the minimum wage workers who serve your fatty, deep-fried goodness, then here are some legitimate excuses.
Are you depressed? You can safely answer "absolutely" if you currently have one or more of the following terrible brews stocked in your refrigerator.
If you haven't nickel picked, then you haven't lived. Think rock climbing is ballsy? Think bungee jumping is extreme? Well strap in for the thrill ride of your lifetime.
There's never a reason not to be singing karaoke. But you do have to choose your songs wisely, as not every situation calls for "Build Me Up Buttercup."
What if I told you that all the typical "life hacks" everyone tries to pimp out are bush league? Here are three ways to save time and live like a goddamn king!
Ever wondered whether it's ok to put your penis in the freezer, in the couch, or in your neighbor's manger scene? Miraculously, all those answers are right here.
Because being your roommate means never having to apologize for the stupid and immature shit I do to you, I've compiled this list of things I'm not sorry about.
Finally, a way to enjoy the taste of your favorite brews without breaking the bank. Strap in because we're about to take a brewery tour...of your goddamn kitchen.
When you're meeting new people, it's important to get to know them the old-fashioned way: through conversation. DO NOT snoop into their criminal records.