Survival of the Drunkest

Wanna party?

Hmmmm. Let me look up “party” in my Moron-to-English dictionary.

par·ty \'pärt-?\ n, pl parties [party, to] (13c) 1 : a ritual in which guys who can't get a date due to their lack of intellect, social skills and deodorant take advantage of stoned, trashed chicks who would never look twice at them while sober.

This is a sneaky loophole in the chain of natural selection, through which evolutionarily inferior genetic material is perpetuated.

Actually, I think I have to wash my hair that night. Whatever night it is.

I want to know where I can get Really Pretty Lip Glosses for cheap prices. I'm not poor but I'm not rich, and I want to be able to buy a lot, so just to make sure. I live in Canada and I don't feel like looking for lip glosses anywhere out of Quebec!

Your question is a horrifying (but all too typical) example of the unspeakable living conditions in Canada. Children wander aimlessly through the streets, vainly struggling to locate quality lip glosses for a reasonable price. The only answer is to nuke Canada and put them out of their misery once and for all.

If you were black, I'd call you a dumb black.

Uh huh. And if I cared what you thought, I'd call you uneducated corn-fed white trash. But I don't.

If the only time that a bird “suddenly appeared,” was on the fifth day of creation, then is Ernie (from Sesame Street) filling our children with blasphemous images when he states that birds “suddenly appear” every time “you” are near?

It always surprises and gladdens me when someone provides me with insight and fresh new provocative and compelling ideas I hadn't contemplated before. Which is why I'm skipping this question.

Why can't people act the way that I want them to act. They are so annoying.

Have you thought about getting into Voodoo, or perhaps Wicca? I've heard nothing but good things.