>>> Ask Nicole

By staff writer Nicole McKaig

November 6, 2003

Dear Nicole,

I am currently a freshman at Albion University in Michigan and I have been going out with my girlfriend for about seven months now. We have been having sex for three months and I have started to get bored. When I brought up the idea of anal sex she looked at me like I was crazy then went to bed leaving me unsatisfied. What can I do to turn my girlfriend on to the idea of anal sex?

Anally Unsatisfied in Albion

Dear Anal,

There are many ways to convince your girlfriend that she should “take it like a man”, but most of them involve substantial doses of Rohypnol.

A cheaper, and less criminal mode of persuasion is honesty. Tell her the truth: sex with young, vibrant college girls gets really old, really fast. If she wants to keep your interest, she has to be willing to cheerfully perform acts she finds incredibly painful and unbelievably degrading. And trust me, she’ll do anything to keep you. Let’s face it, we all know that women only attend college to find a man to cook for.