>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
August 25, 2004

Dear Nicole,

Why are guys so dumb? I mean one minute they are all about being with you and the next day they're banging some naive freshman?!!

Silly Girl
 

Dear SG,

This calls for revenge, preferably involving an esoteric instrument of torture. I think perhaps you should try a classic scheme, fondly nicknamed the “Stretch-A-Letch,” in which you find the offending party and whisper erotically into his ear: “I have an amazing rack, would you like to see it?”

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole,

Okay, I'm 44, he's 35. Both of us out of long term relationships for six months. Talking for about a month or so; were intimate once. I assumed he would call next day; he assumed calling was not “mandatory” since we “were having fun.” What in the world does that mean? I've never had a relationship based on just sex.

-Mina
 

Dear Mina,

Welcome to the 21st century. It's a lot like the 18th century, except the infant mortality rate is much lower, and I can wear pants.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

Dear Nicole,

Fuck Mike, I think you're pretty damn witty, even though your columns may be shorter than my…nevermind…. Anyway, no questions per se…oh wait, is it really that bad if you get crabs from the hottest girl in your dorm? (Cough.) Yeah, that was a lie…I got nothin'….

-Eric
 

Dear Eric,

Damn. You were so close to getting my inheritance, and being sent on a whacky, trans-Atlantic journey to crack the cryptic clues left in my will. But then you got
crabs. Goodbye, Eric.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

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