>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
July 28, 2004

Dear Nicole,

You've named some awesome sounding -philias in the past. Do you know any fun phobias I can develop? Thanks!


Dear Ev,

Great question! I can see that you're truly dedicated to the contraction of obscure, emotionally-crippling disorders. And I respect that. Here are a few phobias, in no particular order. Except alphabetical.

Alektorophobia: Fear of chickens
Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
Bufonophobia: Fear of toads
Caligynephobia: Fear of beautiful women
Cnidophobia: Fear of string
Coulrophobia: Fear of clowns
Defecaloesiophobia: Fear of painful bowels movements
Geniophobia: Fear of chins
Hellenologophobia: Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
Papaphobia: Fear of the Pope
Proctophobia: Fear of rectums
Pteronophobia: Fear of being tickled by feathers
Pupaphobia: Fear of puppets
Selenophobia: Fear of the moon
Sinistrophobia: Fear of things to the left


Dear Nicole,

I'm sick of the “bald” look. That is, I'm tired of shaving my pubic area entirely bald just to please my boyfriend. Why did this fad come into vogue?


Dear Tara,

This trend is popular with pedophiles, guys who hate to floss, baseball fans who want their women to look like Jay Buhner “where it counts”, and of course, the good people at Imperial Touch Razor Bump Solution. And…pretty much every other guy. If you hate shaving, try dating a guy with peladophobia (fear of bald people).


Dear Nicole,

I'm bored.


Dear Lindsey,

Well, you could make some crank phone calls. I do that sometimes. But they're not very funny. Like, I call Costco and ask what time the pharmacy closes.