>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
November 12, 2003

Dear Nicole,

Lately haven't been encountering too much difficulty making out with drunk girls while I'm drunk. This is cool until you meet someone that you want to want to pursue a relationship with. That’s the thing I'm having problems with, any help would be appreciated.

Sophomore, Wright State University

Dear Mr. Wright,

When you wake up in a pool of your own vomit and notice that the chick you’re with is, quite surprisingly, still cute even when you’re sober, you know you’re ready for a serious relationship. After you’ve recovered from your hangover, gather your surviving brain cells and begin damage control. Materials needed for this project include:

1) One clean shirt
2) One motor vehicle
3) Forty American dollars

Take her out on a real date, and show her there’s more to you than just groping and puking (assuming, of course, that there is). When it’s time to say goodnight, give her a quick kiss and get the hell out. Your status is immediately elevated from “drunk makeout guy” to “nice dinner guy,” and you're in!