For a long time, KC didn't own a computer in the ROK, so he watched a lot of Korean TV. Here's part of the adventure…

Scene: We're at KC's Korean apartment, the Bomb Shelter. He's curled up on his purple couch watching TV.

KC: This channel sucks. Hands, turn it.

HANDS: Okay.

KC: This channel sucks too. Change it.

HANDS: Okay.

EYES: Korean version of Biggest Loser?
KC: Those people aren't even that fat. Look at that dude. He's probably only 275 pounds.
BRAIN: Well, that's REALLY fat here.
BRAIN: I hate to break it to you, but all these channels are going to suck. You can't understand the Korean shows, and the shows in English are awful. Who knew Wrong Turn 2 and CSI and NCIS and all those other crappy shows with initials for titles would be so popular in Asia?

KC: This channel also sucks. Change it.

EYES: Ooh, Starcraft on TV. That might be interesting.

KC: Played it, change it.

EYES: Oooh, another 24/7 channel dedicated to Starcraft. Maybe it's really interesting, we just don't know it yet.

KC: Yeah, played it. Beat it. Twelve years ago.

EYES: But never online.

KC: And that will never happen. Change it.

HANDS: Okay.

Korean rapperEARS: Wow, this is like, the hardest core rap I've ever heard. Let's stay on this channel.

EYES: And this is a pretty bad ass music video. Let's watch it.

EARS: This must be the Korean version of 50 Cent or Jay-Z or another hip rapper that will make me sound like I know what I'm talking about when I'm talking about rap.

KC: I'm not going to lie, this is a pretty cool…

BRAIN: Soda pop commercial. It's a commercial for orange soda you fucking dipshits.

KC: Wow. Fooled me. Catchy song though. Even though I have no clue what it means.

MOUTH: Orange Demisoda is an actual brand, and the most amazing soda in history I'll have you know.

JUNK: Let's look at porn on our iPod Touch.

EYES: But the screen is so small.

HANDS: And it's so hard to surf porn and jack off and hold that iPod at the same time.

JUNK: Do you really want to watch that show about old dudes eating stuff? Or do you want to jack off?

KC: He's got a point.

EYES: Wait! That channel! It's Bruce Willis in, in, in… I don't know. Something.

KC: Hmm. Could be promising. Maybe it's The Last Boy Scout.

BRAIN: Severely underrated movie. One of my favorites from when I was 15 years old. And still intellectually stimulating. I mean, who thinks of a dude fucking a chicken?

KC: Yup. Lots of good memories.

EYES: No zombies, so it's not Grindhouse.

KC: Oh yeah. He was a zombie army guy or something.

BRAIN: And it's not set in space, so it's not Fifth Element.

KC: Man, I hate that movie. Chris Tucker sucks.

BRAIN: Except for Friday. Yeah, he sucks.

EYES: Oh, car chase!

KC: Now we're talking. C'mon Die Hard! C'mon Die Hard 2! C'mon Die Hard 3!

BRAIN: Please don't be Armageddon.

KC: Yeah. Please don't suck.

BRAIN: Do you think Bruce Willis ever thinks, "Hey, I'd like to be in a serious acting role some day."

KC: He did! He was in that one war movie where he's a general or a sergeant and he has to make all types of decisions.

BRAIN: And he did Pulp Fiction without punching Tarantino once. That's got to take some talent.

EYES: Oh, I think I know which movie this is. That annoying guy is here.

BRAIN: Mos Def?

KC: Nah. He pretty much rocks.

EYES: It's the Apple Computer Kid.

KC: Ah fuck. Die Hard 4. Fuck this. I hate that kid and Kevin Smith and this piss poor excuse for a Die Hard movie. Turn it.

EYES: Korean dudes eating stuff?

KC: No.

EYES: Korean dudes talking about professional wrestling?

KC: No.

EARS: The wrestling part's in English though.

KC: Pass. Maybe we'll come back to it.

Korean game show on TVEYES: Korean dudes playing that weird math game. It's like checkers but with black and white shit. And nerds play it?

KC: Hell no.

EYES: Korean version of Biggest Loser?

KC: Those people aren't even that fat. Look at that dude. He's probably only 275 pounds.

BRAIN: Well, that's REALLY fat here.

KC: Turn it.

EYES: Shitty Korean soap opera.

KC: Eventually that might be funny, but not now. Change it.

JUNK: Hey, this looks promising. Lots of half-naked sluts running around. And look at that one, she's looking in the mirror.

KC: Maybe she's going to touch herself.

JUNK: Maybe we should do that too.

EYES: Oh fuck! Her arm just got chopped off!

JUNK: Oh man! This isn't sexy at all! I'm going home!

EYES: And now her other arm is chopped off!

KC: Turn it. Damn, there should have been a warning for that one.

EYES: Korean news.

KC: I don't want to see my fellow white people being portrayed as evil foreigners.

BRAIN: Too late.

EYES: C-SPAN.

KC: No.

EARS: It's in English.

KC: Even worse.

EYES: Here's a movie with Coolio.

KC: Kill me. Change it.

EYEKorean drama cast from TVS: This show is something grainy and low quality.

KC: No. I don't want to see another horror movie or Korean soap.

EYES: Nah, there are white people in it. And it's been 30 seconds without somebody being tortured it in, so it's not a scary movie.

BRAIN: Yeah, dressed in clothes from the late 80's. I mean, look at that thong strap, it's almost to her ribcage. Turn it.

JUNK: Hold on.

KC: Why?

JUNK: Grainy, shitty video. White people. Late 80's. Thongs. This can be only one thing.

KC: NASCAR?

JUNK: No!

KC: Home video from Court Sullivan's family reunion?

JUNK: Shut the fuck up! That girl's getting naked.

KC: Yeah, definitely Court's family reunion.

JUNK: She's kind of hot. This can mean only one thing!

KC: Not Court's family? I'm lost.

JUNK: Skinemax! It's porn!

KC: Oh yeah, I forgot in the late 80's and early 90's they made porn movies with plots.

JUNK: Shut up, now they're both naked. Somebody touch me.

HANDS: With the remote control?

JUNK: No! The good way!

EYES: Hey look, they're blurring out all the important parts. Oh, and the scene's already over. They're talking about how crappy the new pool boy is.

JUNK: You're fucking kidding me.

BRAIN: That's pretty much how softcore porn works. Don't you remember?

JUNK: I guess when I was 13 that was enough.

KC: Fuck. Korean TV sucks.

JUNK: Let's steal some Wi-Fi and use our iPod Touch to get some touch on.

KC: Fine. Just don't, you know, gross up the screen.

JUNK: No promises will be made. It's been a while.

END

More in the "My Organs and I" series:
My Organs and I Go on a First Date
My Organs and I Wake Up
My Organs and I Go to Work
My Organs and I Go to a Game
My Organs and I Hook Up (With a Girl)
My Organs and I Detox
My Organs and I Go to Work (At a Bar)
My Organs and I Turn 30
My Organs and I Drive to Denver
My Organs and I Snowboard
My Organs and I Sleep
My Organs and I Go on a Job Interview
My Organs and I Go to Vegas
My Organs and I Party in the ROK
My Organs and I Watch Korean TV
My Organs and I Stay at Home
My Organs and I Go to High School
My Organs and I Write an “Organs and I” Column
My Organs and I Get Laid in the Shower
My Organs and I Go on a Bender

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