Scene: Once again, KC uses his roommate's flux capacitor time machine and infinite recording device. This time he meets Mick Brady, his great-great-grandfather, as Mick exits a boat on Ellis Island after a long journey from Ireland.
KC: Wow, look. That's some old guy that I'm related to. Except he's not old, and somehow I recognize him. I'll go talk to him. How's it going?
MICK: Ah, finally feel home. The land of the free.
KC: Yeah, until you get a credit card or a hospital bill.
MICK: At least you have hospitals. Where I'm from, they just put you up in a barn until you pass or get better.
KC: That's pretty much what they do here, too. But there are cool things about America. Like, in the future, they have these magic boxes that heat up food really fast. And there are these little pouches filled with tomato sauce and cheese and whatever other types of flavors you like. So you put this magic pouch in this magic box and BAM! You've got a Hot Pocket.
MICK: I apologize, lad. I did nay understand a single word ye jest spoke.
KC: Oh that's right, you probably hate Italians and their cuisine.
MICK: Sonny, I've been eatin' hooves and sod for three years. I just left the Potato Famine.
KC: Yeah, I hate potatoes too. Except maybe French fries.
MICK: Yeh sure have the luxury of hatin' foods in this country.
MICK: You seem to be a bad influence. I'd like to stay away from drink and useless leisure while I'm in this new country.KC: It is fairly surprising how the U.S. can dislike so many foods, yet be so fat. But whatevs. How about some Irish pride? Right, my Shamrock brother? Or great-grandfather guy?
MICK: I mean, I still love Ireland. But here I have opportunity. When I have children, they'll do something with their lives. Rather than labor for nothing.
KC: Ha! Wait for the economic downturn. I'm bartending with a master's degree. But yeah, fuck the English! Am I right or what?
MICK: Actually, an Englishman allowed me to be his indentured servant if I came over on this boat.
KC: Oh, well balls to that. You don't have to stay and do that. Just leave and do something cool.
MICK: Gasp! No, when Mick Brady makes a promise, he keeps it.
KC: Yeah, but you don't want to be some dude's slave for five years.
MICK: And I did nay desire to die of starvation either. I'm proud to work for him. This man saved me.
KC: Saved you from what? Plush green grass. Sweet pubs. The Guinness Brewery. The Lake Isle of Innisfree and all that.
MICK: I do nay think you're talking about the Ireland I'm talking about. My home was cold, wet, and empty.
KC: And you traded all that to be in a land of highways, mini-malls, and reality entertainment.
MICK: Look Sonny, I've got a lot of work to do.
KC: So what? Let's get drunk and you can tell me folk tales or sing songs about Erin's Country of whatever you yokels call the homeland.
MICK: I'm nay sure I care to make much more acquaintance with you, young lad. You seem to be a bad influence. I'd like to stay away from drink and useless leisure while I'm in this new country. I do nay care to remember the beloved home I just left.
KC: Then take my advice: invest in land. Like, I can show you the spots in California where there's a gold rush. And Disneyland.
MICK: I prefer not to take advantage of the time traveling device you've created. I'd like to make it on my own.
KC: Okay, well fuck you too then. We'll always just be a barely-scraping-by family because you have too much pride in yourself and your work.
MICK: I really hoped my lineage wouldn't be so crude.
KC: Tough shit. We are.
MICK: Do you think you've buggered up the space time continuum enough with this nonsense? Leave me alone. Yer makin' me regret this decision.
KC: You'll regret it a lot more when you're scalped by an Indian in a few years.
MICK: Wait. What was that?
KC: Oh, you probably don't care. Don't worry, you survive. Hairless and all. And your story freaks out relatives for generations.
MICK: That can't be me.
KC: Dang. Looks like our time is up. Now do you want the secret formula for the ShamWow so our family can be rich and famous?
MICK: Will that prevent me from getting scalped?
KC: I don't know. But Celebrity Rehab 3 is on pretty soon, so I've got to bail. Later, Old Dude.