>>> About Last Night…
By staff writerAli Wisch
May 17, 2006

Before I begin, let me just say that today is one of my best friends’ birthday. You may not know this, but Liz is pretty much the brains behind this column. Before my articles go to Mikey and then Court, they go through Liz. She’s the one who tells me I’m a slut before you do, warns me when my puns sound dumb, and breaks it to me when I’m just not funny. Without her, this column wouldn’t be possible.

So baby girl, if you thought I didn’t appreciate it, this one’s for you. If I were a lesbian, I’d totally want you to be my girlfriend. Happy Birthday.

1. Have a life outside of your relationship.

Liz never ditches me for her boyfriend and you shouldn’t ditch me for your boyfriends either. One of the best ways to keep your relationship healthy is to spend quality time with your girlfriends…hot, secret quality time if that’s what it takes to convince your boyfriend.

"Let him watch ESPN all day on TV, don’t freak out on him every time a girl calls his phone, and let him keep his dorky habits."

It’s important to keep your man wanting more. In other words, don’t let him think that you are at his every beck and call. It’s attractive to guys when you have friends and interests of your own. It’s even more attractive when you let him watch, but hey, that’s up to you.

2. Be comfortable with him.

I’m not saying let a silent but deadly rip and then pull him under the covers and scream “DUTCH OVEN!” but the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable he will feel around you…and the more comfortable it will feel when he “feels” you.

I know it’s hard not to feel self-conscious in the beginning, but men like it when you’re confident. Love your body and it will love you back. Hopefully you’re with a guy who would never make you feel bad about yourself anyway. If so, ditch him like Liz ditched the dirtballs she dated before her current man. (How does she fit all that self-respect in those jeans?)

3. Laugh.

It’s not every day that you have one of those break-down-in-tears, falling-on-the-floor, stomach cramp kind of laughing sessions. That is, until you have a boyfriend. I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life. Don’t sweat the small things (I’m sure he feels self-conscious as it is) and have a good laugh with your man. It’s the best natural high there is.

4. Learn about your boyfriend.

Sure you might know his middle name, his shoe size, and that his dick curves a little bit to the left, but until you reach your 50th wedding anniversary, there’s always more to learn about your man. Does he have political views? What was the first concert he ever saw? What is his favorite color? Seriously, he can’t believe that pink polo looks good. He will appreciate that you are interested in knowing more about him.

Just don’t creep him out and ask him things like how many kids he wants to have or whether he’d prefer a wedding at the beach or in a chapel. Because the answer is the beach, but he’s not ready for anyone to know that.

5. Don’t be too needy.

This one can easily be misinterpreted. When I say don’t be too needy, I mean in a relationship where your boyfriend is already doing what should be expected. He should call you when he says he will, not answer his phone while you’re having sex, and tell the guys he’s spending the night in when chilling with you.

But as long as he is being good to you, you have to give him his space. Let him hang with the guys and watch ESPN all day on TV, don’t freak out on him every time a girl calls his phone, and let him keep his dorky habits. The best way to judge these kinds of situations is to put yourself in his shoes. Generally, when your guy friends call you, they aren’t propositioning sex and romantic getaways, they just want to hang out. That’s probably why his girl friends are calling him too.

So, if you’ve read all of these things and you still don’t feel fulfilled, just be like Liz. And if you want more advice on the subject, send her a Facebook message—she’s the coolest “girlfriend” I know.