KC has a beard and sideburns

Sometimes, I just don't feel like shaving. Or showering. Or changing clothes. Does it piss my girlfriend off? Sometimes, but we don't see each other every day, so it really depends on what day she catches me. If it's the first day of my no-hygiene schedule, we're alright. If it's “ripe time,” well, I may be using my hand that night.

Not bathing or putting on clean undies are both pretty gross non-activities. Maybe they're okay for camping, but not for when you're dating a real live girl (or boy). However, I feel like our standard-bearers of today placed “growing a beard” in the wrong category. Being hirsute (that means “hairy” in case you didn't know) shouldn't be considered gross! Face fros are beautiful! They show hard work and dedication! And tons of other stuff!

So here are some reasons you shouldn't harass your boy to shave.

A Beard Shows… He's Committed

Casey smiling with a beard

Growing a beard doesn't just happen overnight. Well, it kind of does, but you've got to keep that thing trimmed and sort-of proper looking. Personally, when I'm going grizzly, I need to shave certain parts of my face, like right under my lower lip, because sometimes the stubble makes me lick it or suck on it, and that just looks gross. And my tongue gets all chappy.

But a man who says, “I'm going to grow a beard,” and does it? Take note of him, because he likes to accomplish things. Growing a beard can be a lot of work. Well, not really, but even though not shaving can get annoying or itchy, a committed man will make it happen.

A Beard Shows… He Cares About the Environment

Beards don't just radiate awesomeness, they also trap heat. So if the weather feels chilly, and your man-candy wears a beard, not only does he appear to be a mighty lumberjack, but he's also helping the environment by not making you crank up the heater. Although, I guess in summer your man may need some more air conditioning. Shit… how are we going to make this one work?? Oh, in the summer, your man will need less sunscreen! See, that's good for the environment! Maybe?

A Beard Shows… He's Not Cheating on You

Casey with a beard and chocolates

Unfortunately, it's a fact. Not every girl likes to bang dudes with facial hair. But, maybe that's a good thing. You're the only dame he's dicking! And we've already seen how beards can show how he values commitment!

A Beard Shows… He Won't Sport Uneven Sideburns

For me, the hardest part about shaving isn't actually the “using a razor” part. Getting motivated to shave kind of sucks, but finding the perfect balance of even sideburns ranks as one of the most pain-in-the-ass things I do on a regular basis. However, when my sideburns connect to each other like Abraham Lincoln's, well, then I don't need to add this worry to my life.

A Beard Shows… He Saves Money on Expensive Razors

Casey's beard close-up

Ladies, do you know how much men's razors cost? Neither do I, because my mom or girlfriend buy them for me, but I'm guessing they're sort of expensive and annoying to purchase. I also need Gillette Mach 3, otherwise my face grows all red and pimply. Gross! But, when I don't shave, think of all the money I save… or you and my mom save!

A Beard Shows… He Wants to Look His Best

Casey with a Santa beard

In case you were wondering, yes, all those handsome photos of bearded dudes are photos of me. At least, I think so. It depends which photos my editor, Court, puts up here. I just wrote this thing and figured he would hit my Facebook photos for some handsome photos of yours truly looking good and bearded. Maybe there are photos of George Clooney, Macho Man Randy Savage, or Santa Claus. Who knows? But I do know, if your stud strives to look like me, he obviously strives to look handsome as hell (and look like me).

A Beard Shows… He Savors His Time With You

My usual shaving routine costs me about five to ten minutes every other day or so. Those are minutes when I'm incredibly focused and careful. What if I transferred those incredibly focused and careful five to ten minutes into time that I spend with you?? You see, now everybody is happy!

There you go ladies (or gay dudes dating bearded dudes), six or so reasons why you shouldn't go batshit when your man covers his face with beautiful hair. You might see a lazy Dude Lebowski-like slob, but in reality your boyfriend happens to be a committed, environmentally-friendly, loyal, not uneven-sideburned, price-watching, handsome, and time-saving gentleman.

So don't hate the hirsute! Embrace it and give him lots of sex and blowjobs and home-cooking (if your food is good).

ENDNOTE: If you date a girl who doesn't shave her legs, or mustache, maybe it's time to check out less-gross human beings. I heard Craigslist and OKCupid are decent.

See new PIC posts via Twitter, Facebook, or email.

Sign up for comedy writing or stand-up classes at The Second City - 10% off with code PIC.