Deer Court,

A friend of mine introduced me to deer hunting the other weekend, and I LOVED it! The only problem is, I'm afraid of getting shot by other hunters. Call me crazy, but I don't trust a bunch of people I've never met wandering around the same woods as me with enough ammunition to take down the next Branch Davidian bunker.

What can I do to keep from getting shot while still remaining disguised from potential kills?

-Careful in Camo

Dear Careful in Camo,

You're very wise to put your own safety ahead of everything else! The last thing you want to do is get shot when you're not even the intended target. Leave the target practice up to me!

But seriously, the first thing you need to do is purchase a bright orange vest. Wear this out into the forest EVERY time you go hunting. Not only will this signal to all the hunters that “Hey, I'm not a deer!”, it will also signal to me that it's time to move to a different location. You wouldn't want my fawns to grow up fatherless would you? Plus, you're a new hunter, you'll need my “off the beaten path” advice so to speak.

Don't worry, there are plenty of stupid deer in the forest who will look right past your unnatural orange beacon capable of doubling as a helicopter landing marker to your expensive camouflage, which blends perfectly with the forest.

Remember, safety first! To a potential kill, an orange vest could be anything from a misplaced traffic cone to an orange vest hung up on a low tree limb and forgotten by an earlier hunter.

Good luck with your new hobby!

Court (the deer)