>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
June 16, 2004

The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)

Survey Shows Only 1% of Canadians Are Gay


Are there 320,000 gay people in Canada? Or is it at least 1.6 million, or perhaps closer to 3.2 million?

Well let's think about this logically. There's Mike Meyers, that’s one. Umm…my uncle Sid. Though he’s not really Canadian…ummm oh geez time is running up, I'm gonna just say…3.2 million?!

The controversy over how many people are gay in Canada was stirred up again yesterday as the 2003 Canadian Community Health Survey showed that 1 per cent of the population identified themselves as homosexual. The gay community says the number is actually somewhere between 5 per cent and 10 per cent. (According to Statscan's most recent estimates, Canada's total population as of January, 2004, was 31.7 million.)

Well if we don’t get to the bottom of this I don’t know how I am going to resume living a normal lifestyle!

Statistics Canada looked at the sexual orientation of Canada for the first time in its history, surveying more than 83,000 men and women between the ages of 18 and 59. It also found that another 0.7 per cent of the population considered themselves bisexual.

Man bisexuals are hot. I mean lesbians. I mean hot lesbians.

“I'm happy that they're finally asking the question because I think one of the big problems we've had is our invisibility,
and I think it's important to have more visibility,” said Laurie Arron, director of advocacy for the gay-rights group Egale Canada.

Invisibility is a problem?! I’d KILL to have that super power. I’d even kill homosexuals! That’s right I said it! I’m an equal opportunity killer!

At the same time, Mr. Arron contends that the numbers are much lower than what he's seen elsewhere.

Yes I’ve also seen numbers bigger than 3.2 million. What's your point? *drools*

“We expected that the first time it happened. When you ask somebody to reveal something in a survey for the first time, you're going to get underreporting,” he said. “Over time, as the question gets repeated, we're going to see the number go up to where most studies indicate.”

“Are you gay?”
“Is this the first survey you guys are doing?”
“Ummm yah, but I don’t know what that has to do with it…”
“Then I’m NOT gay.”
“Hmm…that’s the fifteenth time that’s happened to me today!”

The figure from Statscan comes at a time when there's an increasing debate in the federal election campaign about whether gay people should be allowed to marry.

This should only help their chances. Who cares if gays get married, they're only 1% of the population anyhow! Just keep them away from my testes! Jaykay fellas!

Quebec reported the highest number of homosexuals or bisexuals at 2.3 per cent, followed by British Columbia, New Brunswick and Ontario.

Quebec? More like QUEERbec. New Brunswick? More like Shove My Dick in Another Male's Anus…Brunswick.

Statscan also said that more younger people reported they were either homosexual or bisexual. Two per cent of the 18-to-34 group self-reported as being homosexual or bisexual, while 1.2 per cent of those between 45 and 59 said they were homosexual or bisexual.

I wonder what happens between the ages of 34 and 45 that makes people less gay. I wonder if this can be purchased in some sort of liquid or pill.

Vincent Dale, a senior analyst at Statscan, says the overall results may have been different depending on the question.

Vincent Dale? Funny how some names just sound gay.

“We know from other surveys that if we had asked, ‘Are your partners of the same sex or the opposite sex' the number probably would have been higher,” Mr. Dale said.

“But who wants ACCURATE statistics right?” Mr. Dale continued, taking a body shot off of an Asian male slave.

The 10-per-cent figure usually cited by the gay community comes from research by Alfred Kinsey, who in the late 1940s and early 1950s found that one in 10 men were homosexual.

Back then they did their research the hard way. The REAL hard way. *Amir tears up*

When a number is attached to a gay community, ideological battles emerge, said Michael Botnick, a lecturer on sociology at the University of British Columbia.

British Columbia is neither in Britain nor Columbia. Discuss.

“Clearly, from a right-wing perspective, they'd like to see the numbers lower,” he said. “From the more libertarian perspective, they'd like to see the numbers more accurate, or higher. So nobody's going to be satisfied.”

Clearly, Republicans want to see no gays and the Democrats want to see more gays. Clearly.

Derek Rogusky, vice-president of family policy for Focus on the Family Canada, said the Kinsey study has been challenged many times for its poor research. The Statscan data, he said, speak volumes about the issue of same-sex marriage.

The issue of same-sex marriage!? Or the TISSUE of same-sex marriage! *Blows nose*

But Mr. Arron said it's unfair to think that people don't deserve rights because their numbers aren't large enough. “I'm Jewish. And I think it would be wrong to have the Charter protection taken away from Jewish people just because they're smaller in number. The same goes for gay and lesbian Canadians,” he said.

“So you’re Jewish AND gay?!” the reporter asked Mr. Arron inquisitively. “No, just Jewish,” responded the reporter, much to the dismay of the seemingly homosexual reporter.

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