Don't go to church on Sunday? You might as well be drinking abortions out of a fancy wine glass made of Reagan’s bones.
“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”
Power concedes nothing without demand, Janet. No longer will you say that I drank seven guitargaritas at the Tampa Hard Rock Hotel & then wet myself.
There's no catch, except that I'm going to be making sure you check each and every one of those little "D" boxes on your ballot, you hetero freaks.
"Drag Queen Zombies Attack!" Things are jockstraps and Jonas Brothers until suddenly, Mary Fairy and Anita Dick attack and try to eat their brains.
The whole world would say, “they’ve got a sweet-ass rainbow shirt,” and they would erase all the biases they had previously held about LGBT people.
Flamingo costume: Your sunglasses were stolen when you left them on the dash. Also, the parade is for celebrating, but you won't take any steps back.
All I can offer you is 60% off all denim-wear. So yous can getcha some toddler overalls or some jeans for any little tikes yous two may know of.
Did you assume it was easy for all of us to bleach our hair two months after coming out? No. But we all did it. Every single one of us.
trump: jeff if you hang up on me i will have to talk directly to your— (jeff bezos hangs up)
For the Lost Kings "Work" remix, always say "werk" in lieu of "work." As your adamantly heterosexual boyfriend says, "It's better to twerk, girl!"
Can I please just host this disco sex party in peace, without the dread of a Grindr message like, "Is there a face to go with your torso?"