>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
May 19, 2004

The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)

Bible Proofreaders Sweat the Small Stuff

By LOUISE CHU, (Gezundheit!) Associated Press Writer

PEACHTREE CITY, Ga. – Thank the Lord — and the proofreaders at Peachtree Editorial and Proofreading — that the Bible refers to “our ancestors” instead of “sour ancestors,” and calls for an end to “factions” — not “fractions.” The proofreading service caught those typos and others before the latest edition of the Holy Book went to press.

As Ms. Watkins' fourth grade class lets out a collective groan. They really like their decimals folks, what can I tell ya!

At Peachtree, attention to detail is more than a job description. It's a calling.

Please note the obligatory Bible Pun, folks. And now, the rest of the article.

“Bible readers are less forgiving of errors because they expect perfection in the Bible text,” said June Gunden, who founded the business along with her husband, Doug.

Did they really have to retype the bible? Is there no electronic version available? Is her husband's really name Doug? (Yes. No. Yes.)

Peachtree Editorial and Proofreading Service is believed to be the only one of its kind in the nation — and one of only a few in the world — to specialize in proofreading Bibles.

I'm sorry, “is believed to be?” Blessed be he? We're looking for facts, not JESUS, ma'am. Thank you very much. Slut.

“As many words as there are in the Bible, you can imagine all the kinds of things that could go wrong,” said David R. Shepherd, publisher of the Holman Christian Standard Bible. “It would be devastating to have a typo in the wrong place or a word left out.”

“Like look here,” Shepherd Continued, “‘And the Lord said to Jesus, pinch ye loaf on top of Judas's head. And Jesus shat on him, and shat on him good.' That should ACTUALLY READ ‘In the beginning, God created man.' And you better believe somebody is going to get a serious talking to because of this blunder.”

A list hangs in the Gundens' office as a reminder of just how much rides on their work. The list, a collection of notorious typos found in the Bible, features one prominent error from a 1631 King James edition: “Thou shalt commit adultery.”

Oh sorry, that should actually be a typo from the Playa'z Bible. The quote should be “Thou shalt NOT commit adultery. Just kidding! Play on player.”

“Obviously, you try to make sure anything that says, `You shall not,' you make sure you have the ‘not,'” Doug Gunden said.

I bet Doug was smirking like a coy little Christian when he said that. God damn him.

While such long-ago errors are good for a chuckle, the Gundens, who have been in the proofreading business for more than 25 years, realize that proofreading a Bible is serious stuff.

You know the Gundens aren't the only ones who realize proofreading the Bible is serious stuff. I happen to also believe that. But do people interview me? Noooooooo. And why would they?! I DON'T edit bibles! OR DO I!!! *Pulls up 579-page manuscript covered in blood* *It's just the first draft to Kill Bill*

With an ordinary book, “you can put up with more because it's not something you're basing your whole life on,” June Gunden said. “It's information, but it's not really life-changing information. It's not something you believe to be infallible.”

WO HO HO there June! I'll believe Green Eggs and Ham way before these “Miracles” so let's not jump to conclusions.

The best-selling book of all time has reached even greater heights in recent years, with Bible sales accounting for almost $140 million last year, an 8 percent increase over 2002, according to the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association, which tracks sales at Christian stores.

I'd like to write a conspiracy theory about Christian fundamentalists who drive the sales of Bible's by creating tragedy in the world. I'd LIKE to write that conspiracy theory, but I won't.

Publishers have been producing new, annotated editions with study notes and graphics — all of which require the Gundens' services.

Man if I worked at Peachtree publishing, I'd proofread Jesus's beard down to a goatee.

Wall-to-wall bookshelves at the Peachtree office display the hundreds of Bibles that have passed under the eyes of the 17-person staff.

“Its really quite amazing what we can do with so much…… BIBLE FIGHT!!!” June declared as all out chaos and havoc reigned supreme.

The staff recently finished one of its largest projects, the Holman Christian Standard Bible, the latest of only a dozen English translations produced since the 15th century. The 20-year, $10 million project employed about 100 biblical scholars, linguists and editors to translate the Bible from the original Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic into modern English.

Blah blah blah Aramaic, blah blah blah Hebrew. Get to the part about the Chocolate Factory!

For the last two years, the project was in the hands of the Peachtree staff, which combed each page repeatedly, looking for such things as typos and punctuation errors.

I'll take five-to-one odds that the comb they used was FINE-TOOTHED.

Peachtree's employees incorporate their faith into their work, starting each project with a prayer.

*Cough* lame *cough* Ugh, geez. Sorry guys. I had a lame ritual caught in my throat. Ach! Okay it's out. It's out.

“If you work on these projects and you don't have an appreciation for this gift that God has given us — his word — it's a little more difficult for you to recognize the magnitude of the project,” Doug Gunden said.

It's true, I don't believe in God and I think editing hundreds of Bibles is no big deal. *Bites apple*