>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
January 21, 2004

The real news (for boring people)

The breakdown (for college people)

Armed Gangs Threaten Mexican Sea Turtles

SAN VALENTIN, Mexico – Laws barring the killing of protected sea turtles and the sale of their eggs have been as effective as anti-drug trafficking programs: driving the practice underground but failing to stop it.

Who would want turtle eggs?! I mean, maybe chicken eggs, but turtle eggs?! I've never had a green omelet before but I'd imagine it to be a little gross.

The latest threat is a horseback-riding gang whose members wield Kalashnikov rifles to drive away police and unarmed environmental activists.

Oh my god. Posse's are so cool. They have guns that DRIVE AWAY POLICE! Take the fucking turtle eggs, you've earned it!

Centuries-old traditions make the turtles, and especially their eggs, highly prized in Mexico, where officials have spent decades trying to protect the sea creatures.

Wow, blaming “traditions” again are we? Why is there so much injustice in the world? Traditions. Where are my keys? Traditions took them. I'm sick of this scapegoating.

Turtle eggs can still be found at rural markets and restaurants in many parts of southern Mexico, though they are sometimes kept out of sight until buyers ask for them.

Yeah and sometimes you even ask for them specifically and EVEN THEN they insist they don't have the damn eggs. Same thing happened to me at Burger King last week. THEN EXPLAIN THE SHELLS ON THE COUNTER!

Families living along the coast have a long tradition of dining on turtle meat and eggs, and they have become prized meals at gatherings such as weddings and political functions because of their high price.

Yes, because nothing says I LOVE YOU quite like biting into a turtle egg and having your lover lick the green embryo off your chin. That's flavor country.

“It is difficult to get to San Valentin beach because of the presence of armed people who, in addition to committing other crimes such as drug trafficking, set themselves to preying on the turtles and their eggs,” said Miguel Angel Calzada Adame, who represents the federal environmental prosecutor's office for Guerrero state.

Translation: “They're guns are kinda big, and ours are… well… kinda small, you see?”

He said it was difficult for his inspectors to enter the area without collaboration from other law enforcement agencies “because we do not carry arms.”

The inspectors do however, plan to egg the gang's house later in retaliation.