Happy Belated Halloween everyone! I would've wished you Happy Halloween when it happened, but I just simply didn't have a blog then. Oops!

Speaking of holidays, why do people say Happy Turkey Day? The turkey is not happy. It's dead. You people make me sick. Or maybe that's the tryptophan. Trippin' on tryptophan.

Here's a fresh plate of comedy with gravy. If you're like me, you cry after every family get-together, so maybe this will wipe the tears away. That and your dirty napkin.

Since tomorrow is Black Friday shopping day where lines extend outside of stores before you're even done drinking the night before, Pick-Up Lines is a pun in and of itself. Phew, one less joke.

Pick-Up Lines

Carpet-Muncher: Say the following to a lesbian – “So, you like carpet?” And if that doesn't work, say – “I heard of this one church that converts gays, so if this whole lesbian Rosie O'Donnell thing isn't working out for you, maybe that would be an option. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in, hoochie-cakes?” Works nevery time.

Love at First Sight: “It's nice to meet you.” “How nice is it?” (in a flirty voice)

Inadvertent Pun

A male porn star comes home from work.
Wife: “Did you have a hard day at work today, sweetie?”

Drugs

“Not only are you lowering cholesterol with Lipitor, but you're getting fucked up, too!”

TMZ PIC

“Everything Tim Allen touches turns into gold. Shit-covered gold.”

“This man needs help! Is anyone here a doctor?”
“I'm not a doctor, but I've watched House. Oh, and Scrubs! LOL, that J.D. has me ROFLing!”
“I don't know what those acronyms mean. Clearly you're a doctor but are just being modest.”

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