Lately a group of over-Prozaced girls on campus decided to start a campaign to leave positive messages on sticky notes on the stall doors in all of the women's bathrooms. The premise seems nice enough, but in practice it's a little weird to pee while staring at a sticky note that says "you go girl!" Also, the "you look beautiful today" ones are a little weird to read while hovering over a grimy toilet with your pants down.

Oh but wait, it gets better. Some of these girls decided that the best way to increase everyone's self-esteem was by writing more positive messages on the fucking toilet paper. Because nothing says "I respect you" like "I added sharpie and the nasties that are all over my hands from doing this in every stall on campus to your toilet paper."

The sticky notes on the mirrors usually say things like "you don't need make up!" and "you are skinny," the latter of which naturally offended the campus feminists, because, of course, skinny should never be a compliment because it means conforming to societal standards of beauty, and we should all do our best to become morbidly obese so that we can have equal rights as men. This is logical because currently one woman is worth about half as much as a man, so if women can gain enough weight to be twice as big as the average guy, that will make everyone equal. 

The campus feminists puzzle me. I'm not entirely against feminism as a concept, but so much of it seems incredibly misguided here. Like the girls who told me that I was hurting the feminist cause by showing a fractional amount of cleavage, then got mad when I made the logical observation that having cleavage so kickass it could derail an entire social movement is kind of the epitome of girl power.

I leave you with my video contribution to feminism. Or sexism. I'm not really sure which, but that's okay because you should know to expect conflicted messages from me by now. Me, and all women. Either way, here's how to make a sandwich without getting beaten:

Spread and squat, ladies. For feminism. And sandwiches. Mostly just sandwiches.

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