I love seeing the creepy search terms that lead people to things I’ve written here. When someone googles something especially weird, I add it to this list.
I was warned about door-to-door salesmen growing up. They're going to try to come in, ask you for a glass of water, use your phone, and then they stab you.
It really sucks having to correct the basic spelling and grammar errors of the business person who will one day not hire you because you were an English major.
<p>I'm going to preface this with some redneck vocabulary. First off, for those of y'all too classy to know, a "lifted" truck means you have royally fucked up its suspension by putting it on bigass tires. In my hometown we use tractor tires, because why the fuck not. Occasionally there is a sort of lifted trucks convention out in a cow field, where drunk people
<p>Lately when I scold my dog, she starts burping. I asked the vet about it, and she said my dog was probably just scared. At first I believed that, but on further consideration, I'm pretty sure she's just being a bitch. Most of our conversations go like this:</p> <p><em>Me: Did you seriously steal my quilt, fart on it, and return calmly to your own bed?</em></p>
Lately it seems like all of my friends are getting married or pregnant. I thought I had a few more years before they all lost their damn minds, but apparently 20 is a great age to give up on life.
My superhero name? Awkward Girl. Able to avoid conversations by tripping over my own cape while staring at the ground and mumbling. I am horrible at talking to people.
Lately a group of over-Prozaced girls on campus decided to start a campaign to leave positive messages on sticky notes on the stall doors in all of the women's bathrooms.
I can't remember the last time I left my apartment for something other than class. I've been playing Mass Effect 3 on Xbox for the last 9 hours and now I'm sitting in the dark.
Your inability to handle my literal worldview aside, I have glasses now. I suppose my final descent into nerd-dom is complete.
Mild and sunny, with occasional snoring from the guy passed out upstairs. Prepare for mid-afternoon bellows after his girlfriend discovers naked pictures of her now-former best friend on his phone.
Clearly, there is no better way to help a community than by forcing the nerdy kids to feed undercooked gruel to the overcoked homeless.