The other day I was hanging around with my girlfriend, who, unlike me, doesn't spend most of the day thinking about porn, rape, and cocaine.

She said that one of her friends told her that she saw me today and said hi, but I didn't say anything back. Her friend also said that I was shivering, and then proceeded to imitate the sound of my shivering, which involved a sound effect with a lot of p's an b's and the sound of lips smacking together out of coldness. You know, the typical sound of shivering. Or maybe you don't know.

I think you also make the lip sound when you're bored, too. But that's besides the point.

Anyways, I didn't recall shivering at all that day, although who the fuck knows. Thus I accepted the fact that I did some unconscious shivering that day, and that's really weird.

It got me thinking: what else could someone say they saw me doing that is really weird/borderline creepy, but that I had forgot doing? Things that would raise questions in my girlfriend's head, questions mainly pertaining to my sanity.

I made a list in my head of those hypothetical, yet highly possible situations her friends might spot me in:

  • Crying while punching a vending machine, slowly hitting it softer and softer until it amounts to nothing more than a compassionate rub, whispering "I love you, oh God I love you."
  • Making fun of Indian kids by doing the hand over mouth thing
  • Driving a Hummer I don't own while singing "It's Raining Men" at the top of my lungs
  • Vaccuuming the campus grass as if I'm mowing it
  • Delivering the current weather to everyone who passes by
  • Whistling angrily