Drop smoke bomb…once smoke is half cleared, release doves into air.
Erika and Derek pop up through hidden floor trap.
Derek: Greetings Doomed Guests!
Derek: Erika and I are honored you have come to our ceremony. I would personally like to thank my parents for NOT coming. I hate you both Ted and Janet…
Lower house lights and bring up red spotlight.
Derek: For hell is a long journey and the pain is all I have to travel with.
Cut spotlight, raise house lights.
Derek: As you all know, Erika and I refuse to get "married" in a church. The only God we know is the God of Five….
Erika: The God of Faults.
Derek: The God of Black.
Erika: The God of White.
Derek: The God of Fuck.
Derek pulls out four aces in his pocket and flashes them to audience. Erika picks one of the cards. As she picks the card, Derek grabs fake blood capsule with other hand from other pocket.
Together: The God of Magic!
Erika "slits" Derek's throat with card. Derek breaks capsule with other hand and grabs her throat exposing the fake blood on her throat.
Erika: Derek, I am your black pig. You found me when I was at my lowest and your power has awoken me. Without you, I am a wonderer. A lost soul. I was the white pig. I will cherish our love forever. I now sacrifice myself to you…
Derek reveal's fake fangs and sucks on Erika's bloody neck.
Derek: Erika, I am the wolf (cue wolf howl sound clip) and you my black pig. The full moon tonight signifies our love is eternal. I will love you forever. ‘Til death do us part….
Erika pulls out fake knife and "stabs" Derek in heart. Falls to death. Cue hawk cry sound clip. Erika gets naked.
Erika: Oh God of Magic. The Wolf is in your grace. Show him the light and bring him back to me! Bring him back to his black pig!!!!
Cue thunder sound clip. At same time thunder clip is heard, release the hundreds of random cards from ceiling onto the audience. As audience is distracted, Derek exits thru trap floor door, replacing self with live snake.
Erika picks up snake and lets it wrap itself around her naked body. She begins to shake.
Second smoke bomb goes off. Erika escapes through trap door. Replace Erika with a bunch of roses with the ace card laying on flowers.
Side note: Wait 'til smoke clears before announcing directions to the Cracker Barrel reception party.