It's another Photo of the Week, the feature where I try to compensate for shitty photos that didn't make Facebook by explaining them. Have I lost you already? 

So Halloween is over, and now I'm reflecting on the costume decisions of myself and others. In this meditation, I've come to three conclusions that are crucial in choosing your costume next year. 

1) Your costume should be multi-functional. 

If you're like me and live in the Bronx or another rough area, you expect to be battered around a little on Halloween. Amidst the chaotic New York City crowds and high school gang initiations, you're inevitably going to lose a piece of your costume. As you can see from this photo, my friend Liz and I played it safe–Liz bought a stunning dress from the local Salvation Army and paired it with a viking hat, to portray an historical opera singer. However, in the event that her horns were knocked off her head and lost forever, she could easily convert her costume to 80's prom. I was a fairy, but had the foresight to recognize that if my wings were plucked from my back, people could easily identify me as a drunk chick in a pink tutu. Versatility is key.


2) If you think you're being unoriginal, then you're being unoriginal. If you think you're being original, you're being even more unoriginal.

I spent the majority of my Halloween night in downtown Manhattan at the parade. This far downtown I always expect to see some goofy kids running around in neon spandex, and that's just on regular days. When it comes to Halloween, I'm kind of expecting perfection. So the first time I saw this girl walking around with her live snake, I was all, "alright girl with snake, that's a pretty  good idea. You're unique." But by the end of the night, I had seen like 10 other people with live snakes, it was starting to get so boring! First of all, your snake is not a costume, it's a live creature, you dummies. Second, you know these people were like, "I am going to be the most original person out here with my boa constrictor" and then they walk out the door and every five year old kid is waving a garter snake around in the air. it's just stupid and I am angry. 


3) The best costumes will come from an Ebay fetish store.

 I don't know if you watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but there's this man who runs around in a full-bodied, green spandex suit. A bunch of my friends wanted to do this for Halloween, but the only place they could find the costume was on internet porn shops for upwards of $80, which is obviously unaffordable for college kids living off half-peanut-butter sandwiches made with the end piece of bread. So when I saw this guy in the Green Man outfit, I was all, "thank you, Green Man, for dressing up as a pseudo-obscure reference to an under appreciated TV show that is probably too intelligent to be on air anyway. Thank you."

I'm saving all this new-found knowledge up for next year when I dress as Tobias Funke and wear nothing but a pair of denim cut-offs. If you had to do it differently this year, what would you have dressed as?