When that dude flew his plane into that IRS building in Austin, Texas, my first thought was, "You know, if you want to create a terrorist movement that the American citizenry will get behind, you couldn't pick a better target than the IRS."  My second thought had something to do with pork tenderloin, but I was really hungry at the time. 

I will marry the first girl who tells me that she is in love with my drinking habit.  That is a promise. 

I think it's a little messed up that the US government is trying to cut US Mail delivery from six days a week to three days a week due to bad  financial management and yet that same government wants to be in charge of health insurance.  This is analogous to a guy who couldn't successfully run a baseball team wanting to be President of the United States.  Wait… bad example. 

Seriously, just once I would like a female to be impressed by my ability to consume alcohol.  And I'm thinking that might be too much to ask. 

I have only one friend (to my knowledge) who is not circumcised and he does not have one kind word to say about the University of Florida's Tim Tebow.  Not one kind word. 

I even had a T-shirt made up that reads: "I am in love with your drinking habit."  Not one chick found it funny.  But then again, it probably wasn't appropriate for that AA meeting. 

Every time I feel that I'm drinking too much, I attend an AA meeting.  And every time I attend an AA meeting, I meet a hot chick, get to talking with her, and take her out for drinks.  It's a vicious cycle, one which, oddly enough, is not covered in AA meetings.  (In the words of PIC's own Xavier Holland, "Irony is stupid.")

I'd like to apologize for my behavior but first I'd have to give a shit what you think.  And I don't.  So I guess I wouldn't like to apologize for my behavior.  I would, however, like an apple.  A good apple can be really refreshing. 

For months my girlfriend has been telling me how badly I need a wireless router on my home computer, which is a laptop.  I have an eighty foot cord that connects my internet to my laptop so I can live blog and what not.  Naturally, I told my girlfriend that I have no need for a wireless router. Because I have only one computer and I have a really long wire.  Guess what she got me for Valentine's Day.

If you guessed "wireless router" then you are correct.  Sadly obvious I know, but then again so is my life. 

I hate attending corporate sponsored meetings.  They're typically boring and useless.  But sometimes there's really good food there.  And that makes it totally worth it.  I would listen to the sales pitch of an Islamic jihadist if he served pork tenderloin, which now that I type it, seems highly unlikely but whatever.  The point still stands. 

And finally, because logic and fluidity are busy trying to remember just where in the holy hell they parked, I leave you with the following, which I overhead at a friend's bachelor party: 

"Being married actually totally works as long as both parties are completely resigned to the boredom."

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