My niece recently turned twelve. She has a great way of requesting birthday gifts. She tells me the gift she wants and where I can find it. After I purchase said gift and present it to her, she says, "You always get me the best gifts, Uncle Nate."

"Girl, I just get you what you tell me."

"I know," she responds with a smile. "But you'd be surprised how hard that is for some people."

My brother recently got married. His bride wore no shoes at the wedding. Neither did I. But it was her day so I didn't bring up the fact that she "borrowed" my style. I'm gracious.

The hardest thing about working from home: delaying the time until I grab that first beer.

The easiest thing about working from home: drinking that second beer.

It's a lot easier to say "I love you" to a woman than it is to explain to her parents why she's in jail. I advise all you guys to remember that the next time you want to say "I love you" to a chick.

Also, it's really easy to break up with a chick when she's being monitored by armed guards.

A friend of mine recently had knee surgery. So he can't help me move out of my apartment next month. So I kicked that inconsiderate bastard in the knee. True friends will help you move.

A friend of mine recently made a few batches of beer and threw a beer tasting "event" at his house. I brought a case of Budweiser over because I've been through this kind of thing before. That Bud was the first case finished. And the cheapest. And the only beer no one complained about. And yet somehow I was the asshole. People suck sometimes.

It's really easy to explain to a chick's parents that you broke up with said chick because she's a convicted felon. Trust me, the folks will understand.

While in my hometown of St. Louis, Missouri I ran into an old friend. It was just like old times: I picked up the tab.

And because logic and fluidity are busy figuring out how Goldman Sachs CEO lawyering up will affect Federal Reserve policy, I leave you with the following, which a neighbor told me:

"You either need to get back in the gym or start wearing a shirt."

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