Dear Diary,

Today was Jamey's birthday.  Even though she spent most of the day with my stupid brother Dwayne…

I guarantee I was the highlight.

It all started in the morning when I woke up at the crack of dawn.  I got down on my knees and prayed to my God that today's game plan would go smoothly.  Then I pulled out my handgun and checked myself out in the mirror.  "Bad boy for life," I yelled.

The rest of the morning was spent down in the storage locker opening up a ton of boxes looking for Dwayne's old Halloween costume.  Finally, found the blue n' white dress and the brunette wig.  It was part of his soccer mom costume he was wearing to a big party.  He was out of the house for not even an hour before returning because he shit his pants.  He blamed it on something he ate but I know where he keeps his diary and I don't think there is any food called "fucking nervous."

(That reminds me.  I haven't read his diary in so long.  For my next post I will steal his diary and write out a juicy entry verbatim.)

Continuing on…

Disguised with the dress and wig on, I made my way over to the local fruit and flower shop near our local movie theatre.

I knew this is where they were headed. 

This is because I spent the day before in Dwayne's bedroom walls and I overheard him with Jamey talking about what they wanted to do for her big day.  She thought it would be so cool to buy a watermelon and sneak it into a movie theatre.  I chuckled to myself as I already knew that. "We are slowly becoming one" I whispered to myself. 

I wasn't sure how long I waited in the fruit shop but eventually Dwayne and Jamey entered.

I watched as Jamey made her way over to the watermelons.  With her beautiful smile, she gently let her little hand slide up and down each one feeling them for the perfect shape.  Watching her, I thought I was in heaven.

"Time to touch an angel," I randomly whispered into a little boy's ear as I made my way over to her.

She was alone as Dwayne fucked off to go talk to the manager.  He had some burning question about an assistant position.

As I slowly approached Jamey from behind, I noticed one particular watermelon she had picked up.

"Can I help you with anything?" I asked.  She turned around and smiled.  "How much for this?" she replied, craddling the watermelon like a baby.  

I slowly placed my hand on the watermelon and smiled back.  We locked eyes.  "Beautiful, isn't it?" I said.  In my mind, I pictured the watermelon as our future baby.  

Jamey looked at me.  She asked if she knew me from anywhere.  Said I looked familiar.  At this point, I noticed Dwayne starting to head back towards us.  My time was up.

I quickly took the watermelon from out of her hands.  "Shhh…I'll put this one to bed."  She giggled and looked at me like I was kinda cute kinda crazy.  I ran out of the store.

Highlight of her day.

Happy Birthday baby…until us THREE meet again…