w4m: Hi. I accidentally walked into the Starbucks men's restroom yesterday. It was at the Bridgeway Drive location, at around 4 pm. Could the gentlemen at urinals 4, 7, and 12 give me a call?
Carol (717) 682-50–

p.s. #5, you're flying standby.

Hello. Carol?

Hey, I’m good. My name’s Gregory. I noticed your missed connection and thought I’d give you a call.

Well, that’s what I was wondering about—were you counting from the front or the back?

What I mean is, do the numbers for the urinals start at the one closest to the stall, or the door?

Well, I think that’s valid.

No, I wasn’t the 9 incher.

No, not the 7 and a half either.

Half-Swiss, half-Persian.

I’m not sure I’m comfortable telling you that.

Okay, I don’t think you got a clean look—it’s not a…what do you call it…a show-er, it’s the other kind.

What I’m saying is, I don’t think you can accurately assess that from where you were standing.

Measuring stick—that is funny. Listen, I don’t think it’s fair to compare me to somebody else’s. What if I started comparing your breasts to other women’s?

Yes, they are pretty massive, but that’s not the point.

I know, I’m not saying they’re not great, I’m just saying maybe I could think they’re small or even too big if you stood next to…

…yes, my dick—that is funny. You’ve got a wonderful sense of humor, Carol. Maybe we can just start over?

No, my penis would still be the same size.


See new PIC posts via Twitter or Facebook.

Sign up for satire writing or improv classes at The Second City - 10% off with code PIC.