Hey, looks like I forgot to post my OUT-OF-OFFICE reply on my blog. Should they have those? Probably not.

Ok, I wasn't really “out of the office.” I actually just finished up a tough week-long round of chemotherapy–beware the draining effects of excess sun and alcohol. Oh, and I had cancer, but it was just your garden variety, nothing poisonous.

I just heard a techno remix of Kelly Clarkson's “Because of You…” on Yahoo Launchcast. I'm pretty sure she never had that version of the song in mind when she was originally recording. It'd be like me writing only the most touching memoirs of my late grandmother, and then having Rebello edit them into a comedy article. Sure there'd still be some fond memories scattered here and there, but would you really want her ashes to be compared to a collective rotting Yankees team after a Lord of the Flies-style bonfire?

Here's some food for late-night thought: You know your drunk dialing went a little too far when your “dialed calls” list didn't have enough space to hold all the people you called. After accidentally drowning my RAZR phone in the pool the other week, I was forced to go to a backup phone…approximately 5 years old (in phone terms, that's like Zach Morris losing his giganto black thing during an episode of Saved by the Bell and having to revert to nautical flags). Anyway, my backup phone only holds 10 dialed calls in the list. And it doesn't even tell you the call times!! So not only is it purely a guessing game who #11-passout were, I don't even know who picked up out of #1-10 and for how long I potentially talked to each one.

Speaking of my backup phone, I managed to kill it too…within 1.5 weeks no less. In one fell swoop of my arm, I managed to knock this Motorola flip piece of shit off the kitchen counter, onto the floor, and underneath the oven, decapitating it in the process. That's right, with the flip part closed, the top half actually got severed from the rest of the phone and slid under the oven out of reach. The most traumatizing part though was when I picked up the bottom half, IT WAS STILL GLOWING. At first I thought maybe it could still communicate with its head, but then I saw the circuit was completely severed at the flip part–it's neck had literally been snapped and yet still this thing wanted to function.

So then, partly out of instinct, and partly out of respect, I actually dialed a friend's phone number to see if anything would happen. Yeah, that was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done.