For some writers, the creative process is this vague and mysterious thing that they don't even want to think about lest they jinx it like one can jinx a no-hitter by talking to the pitcher (or at least like one believes one can jinx a no-hitter by talking to the pitcher). Others have the creative process refined and practiced. I am probably of the former. Here is how my latest column came to be.

“I need a column idea,” I say to Portland Aaron who is staying on my couch because he loves Florida and I'm his only friend here.

“Oh, you should write about how queer our money looks now. I hate the new fives.”

“You should have seen the Dutch Gilders back before the Euro,” I say. “They looked funky.”

Ten minutes later and I have written an entire column about how queer my money looks.

So yeah, uh, look for that.

I wonder why Americans always use foreign languages to toast people and to bless them. It's almost like we don't think we should be blessing and toasting stuff in our language. As if our language is the verbal equivalent of British food. Weird.

I'm such a huge Cardinals fan that when they have an off day, I feel like I have an off day too, or at least like my day has one less responsibility than usual. I love baseball season.

A friend of mine was recently arrested for getting in an altercation kind of skirmish type thing with some deli dude that put mayonnaise on his sandwich. And the sad thing is, I can see his side of it. I hate mayonnaise. I hate the way it tastes, feels and smells. Fuck, I even hate the way it's spelled.

Perception is everything. To some people, a train is a sophisticated piece of machinery that represents some of the most large scale construction and human efforts in the United States. To others, trains are just something else to throw rocks at.

And finally, because logic an fluidity are busy bumping uglies with my creative process, I leave you with the following, which I saw on a T-Shirt

“I win because I cheat.”


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