I know it must seem like god was thinking of you when you saw that the seat next to me on the bus was open. You must have been thinking, "There is an open seat next to the 135 pound kid who looks like he's half asleep. I'll sit there so my fat ass can take up 1 ½ seats and not bother anyone. Well I hate to tell you, but it does bother someone. That someone is me.
You see, when I ride the bus to campus in the morning, I like my space. I'm listening to my I-pod, I'm all bundled up in my coat and sitting next to the heater, ready to fall back asleep. Then suddenly your fat ass plops down. See, you may not have noticed, but half of my seat was not open when you were standing. Then all of a sudden you sit down and I'm crammed against the wall. I'm guessing you can't see your own ass expanding and claiming manifest destiny on my seat. I may only fill ½ a seat, but I use an entire seat because I am a big boy who likes to be comfortable. You don't deserve another seat because you are fat. I should not have to sacrifice my seat so you can sit comfortably.
Respect my big boy status you fat bitch.
Song of the Day: Yankee Bayonet by The Decemberists