Who needs the glass ceiling when you can place a determined businesswoman into her very own office!

Now, I know what you’re going to say: “We’re a bunch of wealthy men, and we fought tooth and nail to get where we are today. Why should we allow women into our domain and share the wealth with them?”

Don’t worry. If you give them a boring office, you don’t have to!

A woman sitting in her own office cubicle 

With a boring office, your female employees will get a sense of accomplishment while staying out of your sight! No longer will they file frivolous sexual harassment lawsuits, or complain about earning less; they'll be too enamored with occupying their very own office!

We all know acquiring an office is one of the great achievements of the modern businessperson, and very few people would turn one down if offered. You can use this status symbol to bait capable female employees into boring offices.

Tell them they can decorate their office however they like, but they may not take down the cheap plastic blinds, move the furniture, mess with the air conditioning, or paint over the beige walls. Also, they’re not allowed real plants; fake ones are fine.

What makes boring offices the new glass ceiling is how they give women the illusion of success. At first they will be proud and grateful, but then the uninspired cube will slowly suck their souls free of any creativity, competitiveness, and attractiveness until they either quit, get pregnant and leave, or die alone choking on take-out Chili’s at their plastic wood desk.

With less female competition, men can remain dominant in global business and continue their quest to destroy the entire Earth, so just a few of them can have bigger yachts.

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