It’s okay. Do not be afraid. You are not alone, because there is a sad boy inside you. Do not wet your big dewy eyes. Comedy can save him. That little slugger sitting inside you like the pit of an unhappy peach is empty right now, but he doesn’t have to be. You can fill up that sad boy inside you. You can fill him with Seeso.
Seeso is having a comedy festival called the Seeso Stand-Up Streaming Fest, but to you, think of it as a heavy Sunday roast, the exact size of the scared little trooper who is doing the chicken dance for one on your stomach. Give him Seeso. Make him full like he once was.
Just because you carry an 11- to 14-year-old boy inside your suit of glum, does not mean you are undeserving to be filled by Seeso this season.
His name is Calvin. You know why.
From Oct 20th through Jan 5th, 90 comics will be featuring new stand-up comedy, such as Jena Friedman, Janeane Garofalo, Nick Thune and Joey “Coco” Diaz, any of whom would surely leave Calvin a hefty example of a child. What you have right now is a boy balloon, when what you need is a boy water balloon. Let Seeso be your backyard hose. Both in body and spirit.
When you think about it, Seeso cannot make your upset belly resident sing any blanker than his hallow boy song already tones. Hear him wail for 12 weeks of exclusive original stand-up comedy specials and series, and know that only you yourself are to blame. For he is just a weeping half-man wielded beneath you, asking that you fill the Tupperware container of his soul with leftovers. Seeso is offering a big meal, but it’s going to need a big boy to take it.
Understand that just because you carry an 11- to 14-year-old boy inside your suit of glum, does not mean you are undeserving to be filled by Seeso this season. You are every bit as important as the sad little boy, and just as susceptible to original comedy content. In fact you are more important, because although this peanut shell of a rascal brings void into your heart, he is but a large baby trapped within you, and therefore, cannot start his Seeso subscription. The sad boy does not have a job, let alone money. Currency is of no interest to the glum chum, as money can never truly fill the hole inside you.
A new special premieres every week with more exclusive comedy dropping throughout the festival, and by the wind in my sails, it will make your sad inner boy whole again. After one episode his color will return, and by his second special he’ll be a man, but only if you fill him with Seeso.
Update 10/30/17: We as a society failed to fill Calvin enough, and thus he remains a sad, empty boy. Seeso has shut down, and as we all know shutdowns are the bain of our existence.