Just in time for the 50th anniversary of Woodstock, Six Flags is proud to announce the opening of its new amusement center on the site of the historic music festival. Billed as the world’s first adolescent-adult theme park, Woodstock Village seeks to recreate those three halcyon days of peace, love and understanding.

Whether you were there in 1969, thought you were there or just saw the movie, Woodstock Village will let you relive all those great memories and faux memories. From the brown acid flashback ride to the roller coaster mudslide, there's something to please “kids” of all ages from 65 to 80.

Max Yasgur’s Farm

That’s where it all began, on Max Yasgur’s farm. Now you can enjoy a tour of that very same farm complete with a working dairy operation. After you’ve seen the cows, the barn and the hay, stop by the Max Yasgur Gift Shop for some homemade ice cream or a “Max Yasgur Rocks” t-shirt.

Woodstock Redux Theater

Enjoy again the sights and sounds of the summer of love in the Woodstock Redux Theater. Through the magic of digital technology and computerized animatronics, we’ve recreated the listening experience that changed a generation. You’ll see life-like robotic simulations of such bands as Canned Heat, Jefferson Airplane and Ten Years After. You’ll feel like you’re actually at Woodstock again with thousand-yard, obstructed sightlines; muffled, barely distinguishable sound and drug-crazed, semi-naked, rain-soaked concert goers. Enjoy the glory that was Woodstock again for the first time.

Drug Simulation Tent

Walk into the Drug Simulation Tent and remember what it was like to be real small or ten feet tall. Select one of the dozens of drug booths and take yourself on a magic carpet ride back to 1969. You’ll relive the fun, the excitement and the recurring nausea of everything from opiated hash to bad acid to strychnine-laced mescaline. And unlike the real Woodstock, there’s no permanent brain damage!

The Grateful Dead Theater

First in what is expected to be a series of Woodstock star venues, the Grateful Dead Theater will feature whichever group members are still alive performing twice a day, seven days a week with an extra 1 P.M. matinee performance on Sundays. Backed by the vocal stylings of the Deadettes, the band will perform all your favorite adult contemporary hits from the 60s, 70s and 80s. Inspired by the popular performing theaters of Branson, Missouri, Woodstock Village hopes to expand to include permanent homes for the likes of Joan Baez, Arlo Guthrie and Sly and the Family Stone.

The Woodstock Wish Concert

If wishes were horses, we’d be knee-deep in horse manure. But if Woodstock wishes could come true, you would have gotten to see some great bands. A brand new digitally enhanced version of Woodstock: The Movie has been created to include the performers who didn’t make it. Enjoy a unique new surround sound experience of Woodstock as it might have been with the likes of the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra.

Woodstock Condos

For those of you who can’t get enough of the Woodstock experience, we’ve built the Woodstock Condos on site. One bedroom units start from as little as $239,000. That includes lifetime admission to Woodstock Village and free membership in the adjoining Strawberry Fields Golf and Country Club.

Walk of Fame

Finally, before you leave Woodstock Village, make sure you take a stroll on the Woodstock Walk of Fame. You can’t help but get a little misty-eyed when you read the names of departed stars like Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Keith Moon. And while you’re there, be sure to check out the spots already reserved for such surprising survivors as David Crosby and Neil Young.

So plan on making Woodstock Village your next vacation stop. Whether you’re 65 or 80, you’ll have the time of your life. Just don’t bring the kids or the grandkids. They won’t understand.

Opening August 2019. Take Exit 35 off the New York State Thruway. Free parking and on-site medical assistance available. Although it’s not a “free concert”, Woodstock Village is reasonably priced at only $69 per person per day. Phone 1-800-PIGGPEN and ask about our group rates and special seniors’ discounts.

See new PIC posts via Twitter, Facebook, or email.

Sign up for comedy writing or stand-up classes at The Second City - 10% off with code PIC.