Do you feel out of step with the rest of the country? Are you still clinging to those liberal values of human rights and free speech? Do you refuse to accept the legitimacy of the New Order?
We can help!
For a limited time only, Camp Trump is offering free extended stays for a select group of Americans who find they need help readjusting their attitudes and changing their beliefs!
At Camp Trump, you’ll learn how you can join the winning team! Our 24 hour-a-day immersion therapy will help you break old habits and replace them with an entirely new outlook on life. Within no time at all, maybe just a year or two, your former life will be but a distant memory as you find yourself marching in lock step with the rest of America while chanting, “Build the Wall,” “Drain the Swamp” and, coming soon, “Go to War.”
Our program is based on some of the best behavior modification research ever done. We’ve tapped into the knowledge and experience of CIA operatives from Iraq and Afghanistan and combined it with the best, proven practices from the classic old-style Soviet gulags. We’ve even brought in experts from North Korea to help ensure that your camp experience will live on forever in your dreams.
At Camp Trump, you’ll:
- Experience the Kellyanne room, where you can ease into a comfortable chair complete with safety straps, while a continuously looping video plays tapes of Kellyanne Conway explaining “alternate facts,” “post truth” and why the main stream media can’t be trusted and must be replaced.
- Participate in the America First Challenge, where you and your fellow campers get to spend long days quarrying stones to be used to build the wall with Mexico. Hard work? You bet it is! But you’ll treasure the pride that comes from helping Donald Trump finish one of his greatest building projects ever!
- Make real connections with your fellow campers by sharing confessions about the wickedness of your former liberal life and how Camp Trump has helped you turn things around.
At Camp Trump, we make learning fun! In our memory enhancement course, you and your fellow campers can test your brain power by memorizing the entire book The Art of the Deal and then compete to see who is best at reciting selected passages. It’s so much fun! Everyone wants to be a winner and no one wants to be beaten by either fellow campers or by our specially trained staff.
We’ve left nothing to chance to make your stay something special. Our spacious dormitories can hold tens of thousands of people in comfortable beds stacked three to four levels high! Our communal dining rooms serve up the best gruel this side of the Ural Mountains. And our outdoor open-air latrines are spotlessly maintained by fellow campers who are so dedicated to their work that they quite literally live in fear of not meeting Camp Trump’s high standards.
Camp Trump is fun for the whole family! In fact, as one of our special guests, you’ll be encouraged to nominate relatives, friends and neighbors to join you on your life-changing quest! We’ll provide all the transportation they need, plus room and board!
At Camp Trump, no one escapes the fun!
Our 30 foot walls make sure of that!
Act now to reserve your spot at Camp Trump.
Please note: Special preference will be given to labor leaders, civil rights activists, Democratic office holders, Republican members of the “Never Trump” crowd, gay Americans, pussy-hat wearing women, members of the media, Muslims, and of course, Jews.