Hey guys!

It’s Richard and Claire—remember us!? Haha, but seriously, it’s been awhile. Almost six months, to be exact. We'll be the first to admit that we took the lockdown a little more seriously than most (did anyone else buy four dozen UV-C light bulbs? LOL), but we talked it over and decided we can’t let the warm weather pass by without seeing our friends in person! There’s just no substitute for an in-person hang, amiright?

So here’s what we’re thinking. We’d love to have small groups (2-4) over to our backyard for socially distanced drinks, tunes, and chill vibes. Just use the attached Google form to sign up for an arrival window. We’ll do a quick temp check at the door, followed by a sani-mist, and masks until we sit down. No need to bring anything! We’ll have snacks pre-portioned in Ziplocs waiting at your seats.

As the great Will.i.am once said, “Let’s get it started!”

Oh, almost forgot: if you need to use the bathroom, it’s no problem at all. Just grab a pair of disposable gloves and follow the tape arrows around to the basement door. We just ask that you please close the toilet lid before flushing, to minimize aerosols, and keep the vibe groovy!

Hm.

You know what? I’m sitting here reading back over this and wow, I have to admit it—it doesn’t sound very fun! Maybe we were a little over-optimistic to think we could make this work. Yikes. Telling you how to go to the bathroom…? What were we thinking? Sorry, guys. Please forget I ever sent this.

So. Anyway.

I guess this is probably a good time to let you know we’re moving to Copper City, Montana.

I know it sounds far away, but don’t worry! It’s really only about four hours by high-speed rail. Granted, high-speed rail doesn’t exist yet in this country, but God willing, someday it will. So until then, it’s just three days by car, if you don’t stop. We have over 400 acres at our new place, and part of it's mountain! So bring your hiking boots. Our new address is RR 9 Box 152, Copper City, MT 59752. Come visit anytime.

Of course, we won’t be fully moved in til mid-October, when it’ll likely be getting chilly. And if that second wave hits, it’s gonna be lockdown all over again! So probably best to hold off on visiting until spring. Maybe we’ll have a vaccine by then. If we don’t, though, I guess it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to risk infection when we’re potentially so close to getting one. So actually, shit. Forget that new address for now. Sorry, guys.

But on second thought: sorry, not sorry, because I won’t apologize for protecting my wife and unborn daughter. (Yeah, Claire’s due in a few months, we were going to tell you at the hangout, but obviously that was a psychotic idea.) Point is, I’m just doing what any responsible red-blooded man would do for his family. Because let’s call a spade a spade: the world as we knew it is gone. There may never be a vaccine. And if that’s the case, it’s gonna be every man for himself.

You know what? Let’s make this easy. Forget my name. Forget you ever met me, or that I was ever in your life. You go your way, and we’ll go ours.

I guess what I'm saying is: if you ever come near me, my wife, or our unborn child, I will bury you on my mountain.

Also, Claire’s Birthday Zoom is still on for Sunday. I’ll be sending out the link about an hour before.


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