Abstract Painting Representing The Pitfalls Of Industry

My boss said guests don’t want to see “gray smudges” while enjoying their complimentary light breakfast. I said they would once they read the essay copies I left by the bagel station. He replied with some long thing about how “this is Terre Haute” and “why don’t I just work for the MoMA?” and I had to explain that it’s possible to apply to MoMA so many times that they call you to say “please stop doing this to us.”

Massive Stone Sculpture That Casts An Extremely Vulgar Shadow

Would I have bought it if I knew what shape was going to creep slowly across the lobby wall each day as the sun goes down? No. Every day, I am chasing a thirteen-year-old boy out of there with a broom. I tell them to just Google it, but they keep coming back. I’ll admit I shouldn’t have had it bolted to the floor.

Print of Pablo Picasso’s “Guernica”

This was an attempt to demonstrate that I am serious, I did almost graduate from Parsons, and the sculpture was a true accident. I was also hoping it would scare away one very persistent thirteen-year-old. He isn’t afraid of the broom anymore. Anyway, my boss said it was “too soon after the Spanish Civil War.”

Yarn Art

He said “we’re not that kind of hotel” and I said, “the website didn’t say it was that kind of yarn art.” He suggested that maybe this isn’t working, that maybe his wife can just pick up some nice normal posters from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I begged him for another chance and gave the yarn art to the thirteen-year-old, who is, at this rate, about a month away from understanding it.

Painting of Three Birds Flying

Just three blackish-gray birds flying across a bluish-gray sky. You couldn’t tie these birds back to sex or the Spanish Civil War in any way, which I know because me and the thirteen-year-old tried for two hours. I was really proud of this one. But apparently we can’t “show flight” because it “evokes feelings of wanting to leave Terre Haute.”

Painting of a Bird in a Cage With A Sign That Says “I Love Terre Haute”

I commissioned this from a guy who mostly does album covers for metal bands. Really gruesome stuff. The thirteen-year-old called it deep. It resulted in a very short email from my boss and a very long call with HR.

Photograph of the Terre Haute Skyline in Silhouette

This email was positive, actually. Nice stuff about how this piece will make guests feel at home in Terre Haute, how I’m hitting my stride with the art-buying, how the bird situation was good for us and opened up some valuable channels of communication, et cetera, et cetera. I printed it out.

Photograph of the Terre Haute Skyline in Silhouette That Is Actually The Bloomington Skyline

The thirteen-year-old is using his parents’ credit card to buy me a sympathy dinner.


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