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Grades and attendance can't compete with the newfound freedoms of freshman year. Don't worry, we all understand.
Skip the generic "Things I Learned in College" lists. Here's the wisdom every freshman needs to reduce costly mistakes by at least 50%.
You're a sports fan and you need attention in the form of television coverage. But seriously, you look like an idiot in the stands.
20 hard and fast rules every man must live by in order to retain every ounce of his masculinity. Bros before hoes is only the tip of the iceberg.
Let me apologize to the rest of the country. If what I experienced is any indication of the way voting is working in this state, then well, we've screwed you again. It's not our fault though.
When it comes to getting a seat on the plane, the airline industry likes to play a little game called musical chairs. Losers get a terminal illness.
Sooner or later you'll be moving out and living on your own. Not the dorms, not your parent's house...ON YOUR OWN. Scary thought?
Make fun of Greeks all you want, but until you've stumbled a drunken mile in their loafers, you're missing out, dude.
Making friends in college is easy. Making the RIGHT friends is essential to a healthy computer, stockpiles of alcohol, and scoring car rides.
The bland town of Columbus, Ohio may serve a higher purpose after all.
Hey, it's your Facebook buddy here. No, not Tom, fuck him. Just want you to know that I'm thinking up new ways for you to scare people.
We gather here today to remember an old friend who was there for us even when we were 'rubbing myself all over and getting wet.' Farewell, my dearly departed away messages.