Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
With the smell of Elmer's glue and viscosity of frozen molasses, Ghost Lube by Karl Lagerfeld is a must-have at a mere $4,500 per bottle.
Sorry for barging into your casting office, but I believe you're making a huge mistake. Dare I say it, a monumental casting blunder.
This Mueller character, looking into "collusion," he's the worst of the bunch. Many sources have told me he's a draft dodger and sexual predator.
There's only two types of surfers: braindead fuckheads, and guys who have checking accounts. Now, split up accordingly everyone.
My two-year-old then "dove" towards the airport floor, arms straight behind her as Moana's are when she swims down for the heart of Te Fiti.
The same folks who tailgate, casually cut you off, and pass you on the shoulder now face no longer being able to terrorize fellow drivers.
For six years I've preached the dangers of sins of the flesh, during which time the devil lured me into oiled-up twinks, otters, and glitter-daddies.
Ladies, seriously? I did not anticipate that your skillsets would change because you did not want to be in a group with "that bitch."
Popular wisdom has Gary Oldman and Daniel Day-Lewis fighting it out for best actor, but they're gonna have a hard time beating the deserving winner.
My problem is atoms. I don't like 'em, I don't wanna have anything to do with 'em, and I definitely don't wanna be made out of them.
Now you know, you can't just sweep your problems under the rug and hope I don't build them up into metaphors for my failures as a parent.
He may mean well, but your dad has gotta stop this. Not only for the good folks at Toshi's, but for your socially-conscious millennial sanity.