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Let me guess: 21? Barnard student? Appears edgy at holidays, but how edgy? You wouldn't know. Perhaps... I can help.
I’m not ignoring your DMs, young influencer, it’s that I am seeing what content-oceans you swim to on your own. With isolation comes solitude.
Your mom; Dude you haven't seen since elementary school---didn’t he go to jail?; Memorial account for your deceased friend.
Someone might say, “Never have I ever abandoned families at a bus station right before a hurricane!” and you would drink since you've done that.
I will not be completely terrified every time I see a white man wearing a red hat. All my lunches will be Soylent.
I plan to do great work today. Just as soon as I...check Instagram to see if that guy posted more dumb pictures of that thing he thinks is cool.
I’m not asking you to think about “scientific evidence” or “UN sanctions.” I’m asking you to incarcerate this child with your heart, like an American.
I don’t have that soft center that “normal bread” does. Ever spread peanut butter too hard on a slice of bread and poke right through? Can’t relate.
The people of Texas have disappointed millions of people who wanted their fates sealed by a hot guy for once.
“Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey: "Just a small town girl living in a lonely world/She’ll drive your Uber from here to anywhere"
These events are particularly disturbing given that we do not know Gritty's political party, nor is he a resident of the state of Texas.
Stuck to your cubicle wall with a push-pin that matches the color of “your party”: You work in middle-management but your team likes you, you think.