Have you ever wondered how your online identity comes across to people on the Internet? Have you ever wanted INSTANT POPULARITY?! The NameScreener can provide you with both! Just send your screenname (from AIM, MSN, Yahoo, or any other IM program), along with a few details about yourself, and receive an “Instant Screening”  in no time.

Here's an example of an instant screening:

BigNiceJohn – Instant Screening

Either you are an oversized porta potty that I really really want to use, or you are a gentle giant preying on young girls for intimate conversation. As surprising as it may sound though, I find your screenname almost so generic that it has somehow managed to retain an innocent, soothing touch. So whether your goal is for buddies to shit all over you, or for underage females to gain your trust, I am confident it's a win-win.

NameScreener Recommendation:

You never know when you'll need to take a shit online. Here's someone you can count on to leave the seat down.

Check out more instant screenings by The NameScreener…

OwStopKillingMe – When you have no other way to express to your attacker that he is strangling you and you are unable to breathe, create a screenname and IM him! Studies show it's more convenient and effective than pepper spray!

SrryBoutYourFACE – Hey, no problem, I was actually born this way. The doctors did everything they could, but to no avail. Looks like I'm stuck like this, but thanks for your sympathy!

AndyCANADA – Don't sound so excited abooot it, really.

VarsityBack2Back – AWESOME MAN!! Did you get your LETTERS??!! I'm still on JV but tell Coach I've been practicing all summer!!

ItBurnzWenIPee – Funny, I don't recall playing truth or dare with you on IM. Next time try something like, “BRB…bathroom. AHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHHHHHH, oooooooo. Whew.”

PumpyMcAss – You won't find this one on the McDonald's kids toys menu anytime soon.

TheOnionOfDeath – Be afraid. Be very afraid…..living, breathing, ONION KILLING MACHINES ARE OUT THERE. And they don't like you.

noskillguitar – Normally screennames are reserved for positive attributes, warnings, or inside jokes. This person is just here to let you know that he or she has cannot play the guitar. Don't even ask. “FREEEEE BIIIIIRDDD!!!!” Shutup.

bodybuilder335 – Don't plan on putting this person on your buddy list any time soon. His screenname changes with his daily benchpress max. “Bodybuilder335” today, “Bodybuilder345” tomorrow. “Bodybuilder320” the following day, but you won't see him online…he's changed his privacy preferences to block all screennames and embarassment.

PirateManiac13 – Welcome to the 1800's! When surfing the high seas of the Internet, PirateManiac13 wants you to know YOU'RE IN TROUBLE! AHHOYYY MATEY!!!!

RifleGoddess08 – Correct me if I'm wrong, but did the Greek gods and goddesses have access to rifles back in the times of…..well, gods and goddesses? Next time, check the availability of WeavingGoddess08, FlowerGoddess08, and similar screennames more appropriate for women.

IamrealConor – If you've ever had a problem with someone thinking you're just a figment of their imagination, try addressing that person directly with a screenname. Nothing says, “I am a living, breathing, human being, not a robot or a computer” like a screenname.

BBQsauceReloaded – Weird, I don't remember watching the original “BBQ Sauce.” NO PLEASE!! DON'T!! NOT THE, BBQ SAUCE!!!! OWWWW, NOOOOOOOO!!!

smarrtrrthanuuu – Why do I not believe this already?

horsecrazygirl03 – If this was the reply-to address in a spam email with the subject “YOUNG GIRLS TAKE IT FROM BEHIND FROM WILD HORSES!” then I might say, okay, you're covered. Otherwise, congratulations on attracting the worst of the worst sickos online.

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