Everyone saw you miss that shot.  You weren't even close.  We all stared as you crinkled up the piece of paper, walked across the room, and embarrassed yourself with that jumper.  You could have simply placed it in, or even dunked it like Vince Carter.  But instead you decided to be a hero.  A hero who misses shots.

It's ironic that you're wearing Air Jordans.  And Nike basketball shorts.  There's a picture of Jordan's silhouette on the leg.  He's dunking, why can't you?  Don't you play basketball?  You made JV as a freshman and you can't even sink a piece of garbage?  There was no shot clock.  There was no double coverage.  Just you, a tile floor, and a missed shot.

Maybe the sun was in your eyes.  Or the draft in the room pushed the paper left.  Maybe you slipped while trying to jump.  No, you can't make excuses.  Losers make excuses.  Winner drain shots.

Trash with man inside yelling
Maybe if the trash can had played defense, you would've taken the shot more seriously?
I understand you're not Ray Allen.  You don't have to be.  Should I have called a pick?  Were you expecting an ally-oop?  Sure, you can pretend that you were aiming for the recycling bin, but we all know you weren't.  You still missed the shot.  You could probably fit two regulation size basketballs in that trash can.  I've seen hundreds of kids sink fadeaways before.  But not you, you can't even hit a jumper six feet away.  Maybe next time inflate those Pumps.  Maybe then you won't miss that shot.

You're a disappointment to your race.  You know why they make movies like White Men Can't Jump? Because idiots like you miss a shot from six feet away.  Oh sure Wesley Snipes didn't pay his taxes but as least he could touch rim.   I bet in jail he drains shots all the time, while Woody Harrelson is stuck doing movies like Semi-Pro.  No one realizes his talent!  Still, Woody knew how to sink a three-pointer.  But now, your lack of ability just made everyone in this class appear un-athletic and feeble.  Next thing you know Vince Carter is going to dunk over us in the 2012 Olympics.

We all saw you.  The 25 kids in this class all stared in amusement as you disrupted the professor's lecture, rose from your seat, and diverted everyone's attention.  You were juggling the paper ball back and forth in your hands, showing off to everyone.  The professor even stopped talking to watch what you were about to do.  The excitement in the class grew exponentially, all of us on the edge of our seats, awaiting the outcome of your imaginary basketball game.

"Kobe gets the ball . . . three seconds left on the clock . . . two . . . one . . . he jumps, he shoots!  Oh . . . shit.  He missed the shot."

Gigantic outdoor trash can
Suggested practice court.
Now you have to take the walk of shame to the trash can to pick up your failure as the whole class looks on.  Are you considering redemption?  You can't even recover from a missed shot like that.  Don't bother taking another one, we'll just be hoping you fail again.  It serves you right for thinking you're Magic Johnson.  He had AIDS.  Do you have AIDS?  No.  All you have is a case of missing shots.

Never take a shot again.  I'm serious.  We're all in pre-cal, not a halftime show at the Wizard's game.  Why are you even doing it?  You'll never become famous, you don't have a shot.  And even if you did have a shot, you'd most likely screw it up.