Sexual Quotes

Coury: He said sex just hasn't been a great experience, even though he's had a lot of girlfriends. I don't know if that means I should just accept that it probably won't happen, or if I should try to show him sex the way I experience it.
Lexy: You know how when you go skiing there's the bunny slopes where you just give a little hop and you're good? Then there's the medium slope, not too bad, but then you hit expert. On expert you have to like steer, and jump, and it's really fast and really dangerous? People that aren't experienced can really hurt themselves.
Coury: Yeah...?
Lex: For the love of god, Cor, PLEASE don't send that kid down the expert slope.
-When sex goes downhill

Asad: Why is Evan's sister relevant?
Joe: Is she good in bed?
Evan: Ask Jason.
-Why the Jamaican kid gets

"Man, she was a much better kisser than her brother."
-Sarah, trying on the other shoe

Tim: It's never going to work between you two.
Joe: Maybe it will, maybe it won't. If it does great, if not.... At least I'm gettin' laid in the process.
Paul: Amen, man.
-On the win-win of relationships

Pete: She seems like a nice girl...you should stick it in her pooper.
Norman: Wow, why is that the first place you go to?
Pete: 'Cause it's where she goes...where she goes two!
Norman: Win. (High five)
-On the initial point of contact

Jess: I'm sorry, but "cock" is not part of a nutritionally balanced diet.
Scott: No, but what comes out of it probably is.
-On healthy endings

Catey: My throat is so sore, I can hardly swallow.
Roger: Heh heh...too much deep throating, huh?
Catey: Yeah...
-On pointless innuendos

Catey: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you want to have sex with your boyfriend?
Catey's Sister: Well, I'm saving myself for marriage, so like a 3.
Catey: Really?? I would fuck the shit outta your boyfriend!
-Another lesson on sharing

"Eww, aw, man! Don't kiss my face-taint..."
-K Si's wifey, after he kissed the piece of skin between her nose and mouth

P: Wow, you look sexy... I can think of something for us to do...
K: Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?
P: Penis vagina stuff.
K: I'm going to go read.
-On explicit denial

"I mean, I haven't talked to him in like a month. Which I guess is bad, considering the last time I slept with him was like two weeks ago..."
-Caitlin, on "communication"

Joe: I've decided that hiring prostitutes may be better than dating women.
Bill: Oh? How do you figure?
Joe: Well either way I'm gonna spend a bunch of money. And with a hooker I know exactly what I'm going to get and am guaranteed to get laid. Plus I don't have to deal with all that womanly BS.
Bill: You know, you may be a romantic.
-Maybe even the hopeless kind

Rich: Pulling out is 50% effective.
Jordan: Ya but shooting it on her face is 100%.
-On straight shooting alternatives

Guy: Is herpes sexually transmitted?
Girlfriend: Yeah, of course it is.
Guy: I've got a surprise for you then.
-Not the way you'd like to start off the day

Sarah: Hey Anthony, you ever had five guys?
(Silence and bewilderment)
Anthony: No...
Steven: Hey Sarah! There's five guys in here right now, ehh? (nudges Sarah)
Sarah: Oh my god, I was talking about the burger joint.
-On big letdowns in a dorm room