Sexual Quotes

Anya: Mike and Brian are both gay, right?
Gavin: The twins? Mike is; Brian's bi.
Anya: So have you-
Gavin: Yes.
Anya: How? I mean did you-
Gavin: Separately!
-On filling two bods with one bone

"Dammit, stupid piece of junk!"
-Ian, going limp after sex

"Please let that be the condom gods."
-Lynn, as the phone rang while discussing a booty call

Gay Guy: You're SURE you're not gay?
BJ: Ha, you think I'm acting gay now? You should see us at my house.
-BJ, trying to confirm his sexual orientation

"Cheryl, dare I ask, 'Are you moist?' And that's how I met your mother. Now go to sleep."
-Henri, recalling the bedtime stories he received from his dad

Frat Guy #1: I took the trash out last night.
Frat Guy #2: What corner did you dump it?
Frat Guy #1: Fourth and Armory. She took a cab.
(Back at the dorm later)
Trashy Girl: He was so nice! And sensitive!
Trashy Girl's Roommate: Does he have a friend?!
-On coming full circle

"Statistics tell us that the average penis length is 5 to 6 inches but that's only because over 60% of the world population is Asian."
-Henri, on average indicators

Amber: Thanks for visiting me this weekend.
Steven: My pleasure, thanks for letting me ejaculate on your ass.
Amber: No problem.
-On the equitable tit for tat

Scott: You were like, "Yeah, he's a weirdo."
Nikki: You like putting words in my mouth, don't you?
Scott: Amongst other things.
-On everyone's favorite stuffing

"I like my women how I like my chicken. Big thighs, big breasts, no neck, no head, and a large cavity. And saggy skin I can deal with."
-Henri, on optimal feature sets

"If I see two of you and we have sex, does that mean we have a threesome?"
-Amanda, drunk and horny at a party

"Yo baby, you can be a honky and be hung like a donkey."
-Henri, defending his roots at a party

Eric: Dude she is tri-sexual. Sexually she'll try anything once.
Henri: I thank God every day for allowing you to date her lab partner.
-Henri, on why he started to date his girlfriend

Jake: You slept with her again, even after finding out she had the clap?!
Bob: I figured, I already have the clap, might as well make it a standing ovation...right?
-On encore performances

Ryan: Go go gadget penis!!
Jason: What the hell?
Ryan: That girl over there is hot! I don't want to move, but I sure do want to fuck her. So go my little penis! Go!
-On futile words of encouragement